Update

Yeah, sorry for not writing anything humourous as of late but Uni has just started and my inspiration has been thin.

So I'm going to end this entry now and go STUDY!

:D

Well...

I could write about the other two days of 0-Week but I can't be bothered right now so instead I would just like to inform you I have located my missing Gamecube controllers.


They were underneath a pillow underneath my parent's bed.


And now that I think about it, I remember placing them there.

O-freakin-Week (Day 2)

"I was expecting you....O-week", drawled Jeremy as he spun around in his chair, "Please, take a seat."
O-week glanced nervously at the chair and back to the tightly clad mastermind. "Oh don't worry," answered Jeremy as if he had sensed O-weeks apprehension, "It gets much worse, MUCH MUCH WORSE! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
The manical laughter slowly died away and O-week was running out of options fast. He could try serving a less Crepe breakfast or try to make the kids less awkward by not forcing them together but that was not likely to happen.
He carefully took the chair, glancing nervously at his host as he did so. O-week would have then opened his mouth and shouted at his oppressor "You'll never get away with this!" or alternativley "You're mad! MAD I TELL YOU!" as these narrative conventions are tradition, but then he realised that instead of a person 'he' was actually just a Proper Noun denoting a space in time where first year students gathered to learn more about their university and vanished in a puff of logic.
"Well", began Jeremy somehow lost for words, "You don't see that every day."

This pretty much sums up Day Two of O-week for me.
The breakfast was still Crepe (and twice as hilarious) and the activities were cringworthing to put it nicely.
Thankful that I had the foresight to run late and as such, me and my cohorts who also somehow 'forgot' to wake up so they 'accidently' slept in, missed out on breakfast. However the downside of this is that we did not know where to congregate.
We walked past a mass of students eating breakfast and mingling and kept on walking. "VEG!", said I, ringing my friend, "Where are we supposed to meet?"
"Um, well there are all these people..."
"And are they mingling and congregating around a mass of tables?
"Yeah, oh and by the way did you ge-"
I hang up. I got what I had come for, that was all I needed.

We arrived at the comglomeration.
"OK EVERYONE!", shouted an organiser, "I WANT YOU ALL TO FORM TWO CIRCLES, ONE ON THE INSIDE AND ONE ON THE OUTSIDE!"
Remarking how they were more of elipses my friend and I found a spot.
And then we danced!
Ok ,well we didn't but it would've been a damn good alternative to what we were about to do.
It was...speed dating but because of UWA's anti-discrimination policy we were required to speed date both sexes.
They gave us a little sheet that consisted of 10 or so questions that were not at all personal. Some being:
What is your favourite tv show?
What is your favourite band?
What are your dreams and aspirations?
How many times a week do you think I spend with your mother?

However, never a stickler for sheets I discarded these questions as did many other of my colleges. The ten or so people I met basically boiled their questions down to these select few:
What school did you go to?
Where do you live?
What are you doing at uni?
Do any sports?

To which the whistle will blow, signifing the end to our rather short affair wherein we would both take a step to our left, symbolically moving on in our lives, to which this same questions would be asked again....and again, and again ad nausem by people who (I could swear) all look the same.


Now the highlights as I cannot be bothered writing anything more!
GO ME!

Saudi Arabia (or somewhere) resides in Australia.
The UWA handbook using the wrong 'your'.
Ms Yola Schawmbanski, who unfortuantly did not speak like Yoda and was not German as we originally thought but Polish.
Dr Tim French, who unfortuantly was not French as we originally thought but Australian.
Powerpoint stuff ups.
Tripping over stairs.
Singing pokemon at the top of our lungs.
Losing the Game.
Getting eaten by a bin.
And being handed a rather large amount of green handouts which I was meant to distribute but found the nearest person and said "Take one pass it on!", and ran for it.

I will leave you with this little thought: Chicken.
I told you it was little.

This Week

Welcome to a blog that not only doesn't have an abstract noun as a topic but also doesn't have an abstract topic as a noun.
Doesn't make sense? Brilliant!

This blog, unlike my others, is going to be vague. Having a rare fix of Tuesdayitis wherein I cannot be bothered to play Chrono Trigger or Team Fortress 2 I have resorted to entertaining myself as well as you guys through the powerful magic of words.

This week, me and my fellow UWAians are attending O-Week which is a witty and quite blatently funny abbreviation for Orientation Week.
So far we have only gone for one day; It was mediocre.
We arrived with stomachs rumbling, eager at the promise of a free breakfast. Our minds delusional at the prospect of hot bacon smothered in scrambled eggs topped with greasy tomatoes and fried potatoes made our mouths salivate. The simultanous sound of 2500 First Years drooling caused the organisers to stumble.
"What do we do?" Screamed one while fighting back twenty ravenous students with a broom.
"Aim for the Head!" Responded another while kicking a First Year in the face.
"We don't want to Kill them!" Cried another as the students swarmed him "We need their money!"
"THEN RETREAT! GIVE IT TO THEM!"
We entered into the food hall with expectations and to everyone's dissapointment;
It was crepe. (Editors note: I used that around 10 times on the day to the same people, still funny)

All the engineering/math/computing students congregated in the same place. We sat down and waiting paitently for the presenter to start.
She entered, "You all excited?", she asked.
There was a low drone of "Yes"'s from everyone.
She asked again, "Looking forward to Uni?"
This time there was a mixed response of high pitched "yeah"'s and low pitched "nah"'s. This spectacle caused a select few to laugh for no reason but these laughs were swallowed by the onslaught of laughs directed to the original laughers.
She asked for a third time, "Was breakfast good?"
A universal "No" spoke out from all of us. "It was Crepe", I shouted...

Noone laughed.
(Editors note: This may or may not have happened but is damn funny either way)

What followed has rather boring. We were put in random groups to 'break the ice'. Of course this didn't happen as our group leader tried to rally the troops.
"Come on guys!", he yelled not to enthusiasticly, "We need a team name."
Complete silence.

"How about...", I ventured, casting my mind back to Year 11, "...The Killer Pascals"
Complete silence.

"I'm going to take that as a yes. Now, We need a motto. Does anyone wanna come up with a motto?"
"What's a motto?", asked one of the other kids
"Nothing.", I replied, "Whats the motto with you? AHAhahahhahahahaaaaaah....
...um how about Hakuna Matata?", My mind already in Lion King mode.
"It has to be three words long," replied our team leader eager to start.
"A hakuna Matata?"
Complete silence.

"Um...no", replied our leader.
The silence that followed was deafening.


We eventually settled on "Life is a chain reaction" which I thought was nowhere near as cool as my "Hakuna Matata" motto.


And that basically wraps up this blog as I cannot be bothered writing anymore.
Oh but I would just like to say that riding your bike one minute and crashing into the ground while wondering why your pedal came off is not that cracked up to what it's meant to be.
But it is damn funny riding past the traffic lights then seemingly appearing to stumble off your bike while holding the fallen bike pedal up for the world to see, shrug, then continue on.

Jeremy (is) signing off.

Valentine's Day

Well it is Valentine's Day today so I guess I should write an entry.
Um...
I got nothing funny off the top of my head, just insightful commentary.
I mean, Why do people give each other flowers? They wilt and die, they are but fleeting things. It is kinda like saying, "Our love is beautiful like this flower but it will die due to neglect on your behalf to water it and also on the account of little aphids nibbling.

For what is beauty? Wait, i'm going to stop myself right there. I am not going to be pulled into another hour long discussion about the merits of beauty in a modern society and the definition of said beauty that will always eventually boil down to the observation that the Mona Lisa is really small and that 'beauty' has three consecutive vowels.

Well like most people on Valentine's Day I am lost for words.
So i'm going to end it now.

The blog that is, not my life.
I got that scheduled for next Thursday.

Happy 1234567890 Day today.
May all your potatos be starchy and your toenails long.

Scientific Experiment #1

On Friday the 2nd of January, 2009, I was in a pickle of what to do. My internet had finally been capped and I had a rare case of can’t-be-bothered-gamingitis so instead I participated in a drinking game. Except instead of alcohol I was drinking knowledge.

In an effort to expand the expanses of my mind I set up a little experiment. I wished to learn about people’s manners and how they would respond to a simple greeting of “Hi.” Theorising that since the introduction of the internet and the excitingly paced, instant knowledge we are privy to, this comparably slow and dull message would likely go unnoticed to the people stalking other people via Facebook and the like.

Originally I was going to mail everyone letters with a simple “Hi.” inside the envelope. However it quickly dawned on me that I did not have as many home addresses in comparison to email addresses as well as the small issue of cost. One stamp costing around 50c and having to send it to 50 people, I did not wish to spend $25 in the name of science. Hey, in my defence, I could do a lot with $25. Like give some people in Africa a goat, or buy a couple of tins of paint, or most likely, exchange it for 500 5c coins and play Jenga with them. The point being, I don’t have a job and thus no money. So instead, I settled for the inferior method of email to send my greeting.
Sending the message to a random sample of 49 people (That is, everyone on my contact list but deleted a couple because you can only send to a max of 50 people in one email) I waited with anticipation. Conversing with a W.O.W addict while doing so I quickly became aware he was a jerk.

Our conversation went something along these lines (I have changed the name to protect the identity of the individual):
Jeremy: You get my email?
Divad: Kinda pointless ain’t it?
Jeremy: So, why didn’t you reply?
Diviad: I just couldn’t be bothered and I don’t think anyone else can be.
Jeremy: So even though I greeted you, you blatantly ignored me and continued to play W.O.W
Divad: Pretty much, I’m Level 43 now!
Jeremy: You know you are a Jerk.
Diviad: Why?
Jeremy: Because you didn’t reply to my greeting! If someone went up to you and said “Hi” would you ignore them?
Divad: Probably
Jeremy: You see you’re a jerk
Divad: Then a jerk I am.

And later on, just to magnify the jerkiness of this individual.

Divad: Check it out! I got a new spell that basically stops things from running away allowing me to kill them easier.
Jeremy:….you really are a jerk.

So without high hopes for humanity I patiently waited while playing minesweeper (High score 4 seconds on easy by the way). A thought struck me:
Maybe this method of testing seemed unfair. Maybe we distance ourselves from society when we go on the internet and become different people hiding behind a screen. After all, it’s easy to be a jerk to someone you are not directly in front of. You see this all the time in the form of road rage. When driving cars we do not view other cars as people but merely objects. We do not personify the cars or rather we objectify the people driving them. As we do not know them, what they do for a living, if a close relation has just died etc, we merely assume that this person is a jerk. It is quite easy to blame something, in this case another car, that cannot respond and defend themselves than to blame someone or to look at yourself and realise that you are in the wrong. Maybe they cut you off because they are already late for an important business meeting or didn’t see you because there are 3 toddlers in the back chucking toys at the drivers head.
Oh and fun experiment! Next time you are on the roads and someone speeds past you or does something dangerous comment upon this. You will most likely assume the driver is male, it’s true. Inversely also do this when someone is going really slowly.
Yay for stereotypes!

I then realised I wasn’t thinking to anyone at all and questioned my reasoning as to start a massive rant on road rage that noone would hear… but I digress.

I waited patiently until Wednesday the 7th of the same month and year to give everyone a chance to view their inbox and either disregard the email or send a heartfelt reply back to me.
To be honest I did not expect any replies due to the relatively trivial subject matter of the email. It pleased me then when I received an email back not 6 hours after I had sent the original email.
At 6:55pm I opened the email and read:
“hi : )”
Disregarding the horrible punctuation I felt pleased that my trivial message was responded to with some amount of thought and care. The addition of the sideways smiley face was a simple yet effective touch restoring my faith in humanity. The individual who sent this (scoring 100 seconds worse on expert minesweeper than my sister) never received a reply to their reply. Yes, I, like many of you, just could not be arsed typing another email, mainly because a conversation starting with ‘hi’ and ‘hi’ cannot really continue anywhere except for the horrible cliché “you like stuff?” and secondly because I just don’t really like the individual that much.

Two hours later I received another email, this time from a confusing individual who “shares [his] asparagus” which could be taken in a negative and sexual connation but we won’t. Because we are mature.
At 8:13pm (and presumably now) his email read:
“ATTENTION JEREMY:

You are gay.
Wasted my time.
I might kill you tonight.
:)”
Originally perturbed by the blatant threat I grew concerned. Was my harmless email actually a massive timewaster? Will 49 people open up the email I sent them and classify it as merely a space filler, a time waster that wasted them of time they could have spent eating a Tiny Teddy or day dreaming absentmindedly about me (I know y’all do it). However on closer inspection this email made me feel hope. Unlike the previous email this subject used proper punctuation, spelling and grammar. He imitated my original email which, as I recall, is the highest form of flattery (however try telling that to Warner Brothers –“I swear, Hari Puter is not Harry Potter!!!”) and it is clear that a lot of thought went into this threat. He even goes as far to suggest he would willingly give up precious amounts of his time to do something for me because of the email I sent. So after some twisted thinking I started to regain my faith in society and this wonderful little man.

The next email I received was at 10:41pm of the same day. It read:
“bastard
btw i havent forgotten about rvb or our epic battle... its just...gotta go with the flow
but i did finish ninja gaiden 2 and have started again”
Cringing at the horrible punctuation I was confused about this email. Did this subject actually read the email I sent him? Did the subject actually bother to segue into this random rant? Are you thinking what I’m thinking B1? The answer to all these questions (and “What is an anagram of on?”) is no.
At least I don’t think so.
The last time I wasn’t paying attention to this subject I copped a face full of fist so I am going to verify this randomness.
Think of an animal, any animal (no, mayonnaise is not an animal). Now think of your favourite colour. Now think of a verb, that’s a doing word for all you playing at home. And lastly think of an object.
Now add onto the end of the email:
btw btw this (animal) (verb)ed my (colour) (object)

Would that seem out of place? If the answer is no then it is truly random. If yes then I never want to speak to you again.


Traitor.

The final email I received was at 11:08 the next morning. It simply read:
“HI!!”
This is very much in the same artery as the first email I received. It replies to the simple message with a simple message as well. Albeit a hyperactive and caps locked simple message, but a simple message nonetheless.
While this message is more energetic than the rest, resulting in the feeling that someone is megaphoning in my ear, I believe that this over excitable attitude is actually a detriment rather than a benefit. The addition of a relatively useless extra exclamation mark made me further question this subject’s sanity further making my doubts slowly but surely grow. This last email nibbled at my thoughts. Surely if this person responds to your greeting so strongly and enthusiastically one should respond in a similar fashion. Therefore I felt weird not responding. It was like if a person handing out leaflets about saving the trees were to suddenly receive a rival leaflet questioning the use of leaflets as an effective measure to tell the world about saving the trees (drink the irony of that). I felt flustered and somewhat lost for words. This offhand reply had caught me off guard.
But then I guess that is what is so great about it because this furthers my point that humans are ingenious. Yes, very stupid but ingenious nonetheless. By one upping my seemingly random email by procuring another, not quite as random but very loud email in response this subject demonstrates the ingenuity of the human mind. Their frightening power to adapt to new situations and survive through countless disasters truly earns them the title of the Cockroaches of the Universe.

So in conclusion. Out of the 49 emails I sent only 4 were returned. However 4 out of 49 ain’t that bad. Wait, yes it is, it’s only 8%. But those four were all resoundingly positive (save for the third one but shh). This might have something to do with the fact that the people most likely to respond in a harsh matter, condescending me for my actions are also most likely too lazy to respond or merely can’t be bothered (there is a difference).
So while the W.O.W addict (lvl 44 now) first planted the seeds of doubt in my mind concerning the manners of the human kind, the ravens of response plucked those away leaving a bare and barren landscape where cynicism and scorn do not grow leaving the animals of hate and malice to slowly die in the deep pit of realisation.
So in conclusion I would just like to say that playing W.O.W will mess up your judgement and your life.
So don’t play it.

Um…yeah
To answer your questions:
• Took me 2 days to write
• No, not two days straight, around 2-3 hours total
• Yes I do have a life, I just lost it
• Behind you
• 1906 words
• It isn’t David I swear
• No
• No
• Yes but I don’t have the guitar
• Nepal
• Well I did try to be an internet hairdresser but I just couldn’t find the com(b)

Perserverance

This is a House Devotion I did last year for school. I Prepared it the night before which would have been ironic if it was on preperation but it wasn't.
Thought y'all might like to read it but its more effective when PREFORMED.

Anyway, without further ado...


Perseverance

Now all of you know perseverance.

You all persevered in this last week what with the cross country and all. Hopefully most of you ran even when your sides were burning and you knew you could stop and have a rest…but you didn’t. If you did stop then well at least you are persevering with your perseverance to be lazy.

Anything we do in life requires perseverance. School, work, lord of the rings marathons all require high amounts of perseverance. Anyone watch Gladiators on Sunday? On the Sumo ball, Janine? Yeah I think it was Janine, the challenger that went second. There was no way that she was going to beat the Gladiator so she, heres the word, persevered. She hang on with all her might and even though didn’t get 10 points for knocking the gladiator out of the ring she still got 5 by not getting knocked out herself.

In numerous movies I’ve watched the protagonist always perseveres through the hard times. Frodo carries the ring all the way to Mount Doom, in Run Fatboy Run that guy runs that marathon for almost a day, without stopping which holds many similarities to the Kenyan that Nicola talked about last week who ran with a gall bladder infection. Now I’m not saying that we should all get gall bladder infections and run marathons but we can all persevere in different ways.

I know last week I persevered with my English essay, it wasn’t fun but I got it done and hopefully I will get a good mark, probably not, it was pretty bad but still it is better than nothing at all or a half asked effort that didn’t answer the question.

Now when you don’t do something because you can’t be bothered is in my eyes is pretty sad but I myself haven’t persevered at numerous occasions. I know I haven’t given it my all in some of the past cross countries (Editors Note: I have run it backwards, skipped it, carried Riley in it, sang throughout it...yeah) and I’ve not always done my homework but I paid for that later when halfway through the electric topic last year in physics I had no idea what we were doing and then had to persevere to understand most of the topic's work in a very short amount of time.

I guess the hard hitting question that you all have to ask yourself is when inveitably zombies invade this city, does your zombie plan involve meeting up with other survivors, getting to an offshore oil rig, or does it involve getting it over with and just committing suicide. Does it involve perservering through the endless years of mental and physical trials where your only friend is solitude and your most effective weapon is stealth or just running wildly in circles shouting your favourite fruit at the top of your lungs.
Think about it.
So I tell you to persevere in what ever you do whether it be your studies, or sports, or even harry potter marathons.
Dont forget to persevere


I was particulary proud of that devotion but the best bit was before the devotion.
I stood up with some of that old computer paper in my hand where it is all connected together and said "Just got some notes here."
Then I gave it a flick and it unfurled all the way to the ground and beyond. Everyone seemed scared.

Oh and if you are stuck for ideas for devotions just go up there and go:

"My devotion is on forgetfulness and er... I forgot to do it"

or

"In my devotion I will show you what happens if you haven't prepared anything.....er...um....mainly uncomfortable awkward silences...."

Magic: The Gathering

Before I get into this blog I would like to open with a joke.
Unfortuantly noone will get this unless they have read Medea.

i-Juice:
Drink it, First for the gods.


Because... First kinda sounds like thirst and i-Juice is like Apple's Juice...so its kinda like Apple Juice.

Anywho.

I would like to point out that as of last Saturday my geekiness rating has dramatically increased by 7 points. Yes last Saturday my friend introduced my into the world of Magic: The Gathering.

While seemingly minding my own buisness while looking after two small children I received a phone call.
Ok, thats a lie. I just had them play Mario Kart and I would've been playing as well if it weren't for my lost gamecube controller.
The phone call was strange. "Jeremy?", my friend opened with, "Is that you?"
I gave the appropriate reply, "WAAAAAAAAZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!?"
Cut forward five minutes.
"So what did you ring me for?", I asked while explaining to the small one that winning isn't everything.
"Do you want to play Magic?"
"Not really..."
"Well too bad, I'm getting you a deck"
"....ok"
"I'm thinking a Jund deck because that seems like your type of playstyle. Strike quick and strike fast. In and out in under a minute."
Ignoring this subtle jab at my manhood, I promptly replied with "..."
"Good I'm coming over now", replied my 'friend'

Zoom forward 5 hours after the little children had escaped from my clutches.
"So", I said still struggling with the concept of attacking, "If I attack with my Sprouting Thrinax and my Ember Weaver as well as my two Saprolings then I can overwhelm you with sheer numbers."
"You could, but if I block that with that and that with that then I can just obliterate you and your creatures."
"Oh...", I said, "I thought it was like Yugioh."
"NO! IT IS NOTHING LIKE YUGIOH", Screamed my friend, "I CHALLANGE YOU TO MORTAL KOMBAT!"
"YOU'RE ON!", came the obvious reply.


....He owned me in that as well. Stupid Kung Lao and his hat.


Zoom forward an hour

"Which means," I said, "I get to attack you directly because of my flying ability meaning you lose your life and I win the game!"
"Congratulations", came the reply, "Now I will play with my Art of Fact deck."
"...oh"

Knowing full well that my deck had no cards in it to destroy Artifacts, as he made it, my friend quickly demolished me to the ground. Again.

While only winning around a quater of the 12 or so matches we fought,I felt a deep sense of pride. Not only had I summomed out a 11/11 Voracious Dragon and equiped a First Strike enchantment to my Deathtouch Iguna but I had also developed a strange fetish towards Saprolings.
Sure they are weak and made of fungus but their irresistable cuteness cast all of those negative thoughts aside.
I began searching for Saproling tokens and Concept Art of these desirable creatures to quell my thirst for the strange obsession that had consumed me. I started a fan club and renamed my deck from "The Cleansing Shadow" to "Saprolings ROX!!!!!!".
The many fan fictions detailing the lives of the Saproling; How their innocence is capsulated by the inversely proportioned number of feelers on their head, were quick to follow. I started referencing Saprolings in my jokes as well as trying to start a meme about them. Sadly "Spy Saproling my Dispenser" never took off.

I received another phone call two days later.
"Jeremy?", asked the caller
"WAAAAZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP", came the reply, "Who is this?"
"Oh it's Tim, Just wondering what you're doing."
"I'm playing Magic", came the smug reply.
"Uh...huh" replied Tim with a somewhat withdrawed tone.
"It is great", I said countering with an energetic tone, "I had this 8/8 Slime out and was gonna win but then my friend summoned his Leithianen and used his special ability to draw two cards from his graveyard which put my Alligator's attack down by two."
"..." replied Tim, not sure if he was hearing what his ears were telling him I was saying.
"Wow...", I spake with realisation, "That is really sad"
"Yeah...it is"
"But it is STILL AWESOME! Wanna come and play it with me?"

I never found out his answer to my question as he promptly hung up.

Oh well, with friends like that, who needs Saprolings?

....oh come on, I thought it was a good joke.

Here's a short one.

Just letting everyone know that I have misplaced two gamecube controllers and my nunchuck.

That is all.

Idioclips

To those who do not know me (the vast majority of you)I do not listen to a whole lot of music. However there is one paticular band I follow and enjoy their songs. This band is Tripod.
Now Tripod host their annual competition where they get members of the Australian public to create music videos and send them in. The winners get a prize as well as a deep sense of pride and Tripod get to do a show of old material that will sell.
It is a win-win situation.

So, me being me, I decided to enter into this Idioclip competition along with a fellow Tripodee.
Harsh was the opperative word of the evening as we ruthlessly tore down song options from the pedestool of possibilities.
"No!", I exclaimed while ripping down The Hotdog Man, "How are we going to do the argument?"
As well as:
"My Best Friend's Coming is a good song but it might be a bit awkward to shoot and it is a bit short"

Finally after many days of deliberation we had our minds set on one song to make great, One Song to Reign Supreme over the other pathetic entries, One Song to Rule Them All and in the Darkness Find them.
This song was 'I always get into stuff'

However we soon changed songs for 'The Stalker Song'.

"Fellow Tripodee", I rang one morning, "What are you doing today?"
"Grrughhuh?", Came the response, "It's 3 in the morning, what do you want!?"
"Oh sorry"

Ringing back at a later time we organised to start brainstorming our music video for this song.
"We're missing something", I pondered after listening to the song for the second time.
"Yes we are", Agreed my actor
"Pens!", I shouted
Five minutes later after finding the pens behind the couch I pondered again.
"What else have we forgotten?", I asked while pen poised at the ready.
"Err....", Came the predictable reply, "Paper?"
"...Oh yeah"

So now truely ready to go we began brainstorming for our big project. Discarding ideas such as: walking on ceilings, and giant bowling balls we quickly realised that storyboarding was harder than expected.
"Can't we just skip the storyboarding and go straight to the filming", I asked in a brief moment of insight.
"Never!", Came the reply, "Didn't you do Media in school?"
"Well, no"

Then we did the unthinkable... we looked up.
And there above us, was the tv.
And on the TV was a rather ugly model of a duck. Quickly removing the duck as it was obscuring my view of the program I remarked, "Hey! Whose Line Is It Anyway?!"

Half an hour wasted.
But then... "Hey! Scrubs!"
A full hour down the drain.

It quickly dawned on us it was lunch time and to my slightly Homosexual friend that only meant one thing. Ellen.
AAAAAAARGH
Another excuriating hour lost to this mindless drivel. To this 'show' that hangs on the fact that its host can dance rather badly.
However my 'friend' interrupted my contemplation of whether I should gouge my eyes out with my pen or not with the suggestion of "Mario Kart?".

Bam, two hours lost.
A total 5 hours wasted and hardly any brainstorming down for this Idioclips competition. Succumbing into depression at how badly I managed my time I quickly donned black clothing and wore eyeliner. Hating myself and the world so much that I decided to go home and waste another hour writing a blog about these events.


But the episode of Scrubs was rather funny.
JD had one of those crazy daydreams he always has.

Rumpelstiltskin

While in Singapore I perused The Science Of Diskworld II which was incredible.

However there was this one paticular part which I am sure you all will enjoy.
So here it is:

Rumpelstiltskin was an interesting sexual parable, too, a tale to programme the idea that female masturbation leads to sterility. Remember the tale? The miller's daughter, put in the barn to 'spin staw into gold', virginally sits on a little stick that becomes a little man...
The denouement has the little man, when his name is finally identified, jumping in to 'plug' the lady very intimately, and the assembled soldiers can't pull him out. In the modern bowdlerised version, this survives vestigially as the little man pushing his foot through the floor and not being able to pull it out, a total non sequitur. So none of those concerned, king, miller or queen, can procreate (the stolen first child has been killed by the soilders), and it all ends in tears. If you doubt this interpretation, enjoy the indirection: 'What is his name? What is his name?' recurs in the story. What is his name? What is a stilt with rumpled skin? Whoops. The name has an equivalent derivation in many languages too.


Yeah, you know it's true.