The clubroom which I frequently frequent at Uni but am not a member of, CSSC, is pitting all the Freshers in a massive battle royale which may or may not be based off Survivor.
Anyway, as I am a Fresher, I chose to partake in this monumental event, battling all odds to win the title of FRUVIVOR CHAMPION! And $170.00.
Two weeks in and my chances of winning are slowly increasing. As our team failed the first challange by failing to produce a video (It was shot and everything....we were just too lazy to put it together) my rival's numbers decreased by one. I wasn't even at the elimination, I had a test, but miraculously I survived.
This week's challange is to write a Slash Fiction based on the members of the clubroom. As many of you do not know me and as such have no Idea what CSSC is most of this is going to go straight over your heads and into the dark abyss that is the night. Unless of course you are reading this in the day time then it will fly into the dark abyss that is the day...
Some quick notes. Lionel is the name of our pet onion and LBS stands for Little Black Shirt because LBS always wears a LBS.
________________________________________________________
If one were to look at Australia, by and large, one would notice a lot of nothing interspersed with the occasional something, quickly followed by the bland nothingness again. Eventually, if one looked long and hard enough, statistically one would come across the University of Western Australia. One might notice the many sub groups and different genders this University teaches and houses; the quaint art students, the drunken med students and the pungent engineers. One would eventually notice the computer science students, tucked away and shielded from the harsh reality of the outside world in their protective clubroom.
It is to this clubroom that we draw our attention now.
Peaceful would be a word to describe it. LBS was lounging on the couch with a Coke in his hand, Tim was stacking the fridge. The rays off light glistened off Lionel’s head whose many strands of hair drooped helplessly over the side of his container. It was quiet, it was bliss. The harmony of this moment radiated out to the passing students who couldn’t help but smile as they walked along their meaningless lives. Yes, this was what life was about.
Raph, having nothing better to do at the time, chose to disrupt this peace by storming into the room and placing himself firmly on the couch.
“Are you OK?” asked Tim with all the tact and observation of a person who also goes out of their way to make statements like “It appears your house is on fire” and “An elephant just stepped on your legs, would you like some help?”
“No.” replied Raph sinking once again into the sullen silence.
“More like Gayno,” Interjected LBS.
Raph cracked a smile; LBS’ original humour always got the best of him.
“It’s chemistry,” Raph sighed
“More like gaymistry”
“I get it and all, just that the compounds are hard to remember”
“More like the gaypounds are hard to gaymember”
“I mean, what is Tri-methyl Butanal?”
At this point Jeremy walked into the clubroom.
“More like Tri-Gay But-anal”
And promptly left.
Tim’s ears perked up. “Who said Tri Gay Butt Anal?”
Raph sniggered. “Man, that would be incredibly sad if you were in a three way gay butt orgy.”
Tim rapidly returned to stacking the fridge with added vigour while LBS found something incredibly interesting to stare at on the wall. The silence was deafening.
“Wait…you guys,” began Raph, “Wow… how awkward.”
“Well it was one of those days you know?” Explained LBS.
“We agreed never to talk about this!”
“More like, Gay agreed gever to talk about Gay.”
“You aren’t helping!”
“Anyway, I just finished DOA Xtreme2 for the second time and was getting rather bored, Tim here shows up and…”
“Wait a minute,” Raph said trying to get the full picture, “Tri is three, so who was the third?”
“Well you know how Lionel just started dying a couple of weeks ago?” clarified Tim, “That wasn’t only because of the fresher’s horrible aura.
“You know, all this talk,” said LBS removing his little black shirt to reveal yet another little black shirt, “Is turning me on.”
“Well I’m leaving” Raph quickly said making for the door.
“Ah, coined.” LBS said while writing ‘Fresher’s leaving the Clubroom’ on the whiteboard. Tim silently closed the door.
“Well I have no money alright!” Raph exasperated
*click* The door was locked.
“Coined!” said LBS pointing to a fresh offense ‘Having no coins’
“Well how can I pay you!?” Raph said silently breaking into tears, “I have no money!”
“Oh, it’s alright,” Comforted Tim, “I’m sure something can be arranged. You can always sell something to the club to pay for your ever growing debt.”
“But all I have,” Sobbed Raph, “Is the shirt on my back.”
“Don’t worry, that will do nicely.”
Showing posts with label University. Show all posts
Showing posts with label University. Show all posts
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Uni
Well I just woke up yesterday morning and realised I had a Chem, Math, And Physics test next week.
Maybe I should actually open up my text book.
Oh and on a random note...does anyone actually read this?
Maybe I should actually open up my text book.
Oh and on a random note...does anyone actually read this?
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
O-freakin-Week (Day 2)
"I was expecting you....O-week", drawled Jeremy as he spun around in his chair, "Please, take a seat."
O-week glanced nervously at the chair and back to the tightly clad mastermind. "Oh don't worry," answered Jeremy as if he had sensed O-weeks apprehension, "It gets much worse, MUCH MUCH WORSE! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
The manical laughter slowly died away and O-week was running out of options fast. He could try serving a less Crepe breakfast or try to make the kids less awkward by not forcing them together but that was not likely to happen.
He carefully took the chair, glancing nervously at his host as he did so. O-week would have then opened his mouth and shouted at his oppressor "You'll never get away with this!" or alternativley "You're mad! MAD I TELL YOU!" as these narrative conventions are tradition, but then he realised that instead of a person 'he' was actually just a Proper Noun denoting a space in time where first year students gathered to learn more about their university and vanished in a puff of logic.
"Well", began Jeremy somehow lost for words, "You don't see that every day."
This pretty much sums up Day Two of O-week for me.
The breakfast was still Crepe (and twice as hilarious) and the activities were cringworthing to put it nicely.
Thankful that I had the foresight to run late and as such, me and my cohorts who also somehow 'forgot' to wake up so they 'accidently' slept in, missed out on breakfast. However the downside of this is that we did not know where to congregate.
We walked past a mass of students eating breakfast and mingling and kept on walking. "VEG!", said I, ringing my friend, "Where are we supposed to meet?"
"Um, well there are all these people..."
"And are they mingling and congregating around a mass of tables?
"Yeah, oh and by the way did you ge-"
I hang up. I got what I had come for, that was all I needed.
We arrived at the comglomeration.
"OK EVERYONE!", shouted an organiser, "I WANT YOU ALL TO FORM TWO CIRCLES, ONE ON THE INSIDE AND ONE ON THE OUTSIDE!"
Remarking how they were more of elipses my friend and I found a spot.
And then we danced!
Ok ,well we didn't but it would've been a damn good alternative to what we were about to do.
It was...speed dating but because of UWA's anti-discrimination policy we were required to speed date both sexes.
They gave us a little sheet that consisted of 10 or so questions that were not at all personal. Some being:
What is your favourite tv show?
What is your favourite band?
What are your dreams and aspirations?
How many times a week do you think I spend with your mother?
However, never a stickler for sheets I discarded these questions as did many other of my colleges. The ten or so people I met basically boiled their questions down to these select few:
What school did you go to?
Where do you live?
What are you doing at uni?
Do any sports?
To which the whistle will blow, signifing the end to our rather short affair wherein we would both take a step to our left, symbolically moving on in our lives, to which this same questions would be asked again....and again, and again ad nausem by people who (I could swear) all look the same.
Now the highlights as I cannot be bothered writing anything more!
GO ME!
Saudi Arabia (or somewhere) resides in Australia.
The UWA handbook using the wrong 'your'.
Ms Yola Schawmbanski, who unfortuantly did not speak like Yoda and was not German as we originally thought but Polish.
Dr Tim French, who unfortuantly was not French as we originally thought but Australian.
Powerpoint stuff ups.
Tripping over stairs.
Singing pokemon at the top of our lungs.
Losing the Game.
Getting eaten by a bin.
And being handed a rather large amount of green handouts which I was meant to distribute but found the nearest person and said "Take one pass it on!", and ran for it.
I will leave you with this little thought: Chicken.
I told you it was little.
O-week glanced nervously at the chair and back to the tightly clad mastermind. "Oh don't worry," answered Jeremy as if he had sensed O-weeks apprehension, "It gets much worse, MUCH MUCH WORSE! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
The manical laughter slowly died away and O-week was running out of options fast. He could try serving a less Crepe breakfast or try to make the kids less awkward by not forcing them together but that was not likely to happen.
He carefully took the chair, glancing nervously at his host as he did so. O-week would have then opened his mouth and shouted at his oppressor "You'll never get away with this!" or alternativley "You're mad! MAD I TELL YOU!" as these narrative conventions are tradition, but then he realised that instead of a person 'he' was actually just a Proper Noun denoting a space in time where first year students gathered to learn more about their university and vanished in a puff of logic.
"Well", began Jeremy somehow lost for words, "You don't see that every day."
This pretty much sums up Day Two of O-week for me.
The breakfast was still Crepe (and twice as hilarious) and the activities were cringworthing to put it nicely.
Thankful that I had the foresight to run late and as such, me and my cohorts who also somehow 'forgot' to wake up so they 'accidently' slept in, missed out on breakfast. However the downside of this is that we did not know where to congregate.
We walked past a mass of students eating breakfast and mingling and kept on walking. "VEG!", said I, ringing my friend, "Where are we supposed to meet?"
"Um, well there are all these people..."
"And are they mingling and congregating around a mass of tables?
"Yeah, oh and by the way did you ge-"
I hang up. I got what I had come for, that was all I needed.
We arrived at the comglomeration.
"OK EVERYONE!", shouted an organiser, "I WANT YOU ALL TO FORM TWO CIRCLES, ONE ON THE INSIDE AND ONE ON THE OUTSIDE!"
Remarking how they were more of elipses my friend and I found a spot.
And then we danced!
Ok ,well we didn't but it would've been a damn good alternative to what we were about to do.
It was...speed dating but because of UWA's anti-discrimination policy we were required to speed date both sexes.
They gave us a little sheet that consisted of 10 or so questions that were not at all personal. Some being:
What is your favourite tv show?
What is your favourite band?
What are your dreams and aspirations?
How many times a week do you think I spend with your mother?
However, never a stickler for sheets I discarded these questions as did many other of my colleges. The ten or so people I met basically boiled their questions down to these select few:
What school did you go to?
Where do you live?
What are you doing at uni?
Do any sports?
To which the whistle will blow, signifing the end to our rather short affair wherein we would both take a step to our left, symbolically moving on in our lives, to which this same questions would be asked again....and again, and again ad nausem by people who (I could swear) all look the same.
Now the highlights as I cannot be bothered writing anything more!
GO ME!
Saudi Arabia (or somewhere) resides in Australia.
The UWA handbook using the wrong 'your'.
Ms Yola Schawmbanski, who unfortuantly did not speak like Yoda and was not German as we originally thought but Polish.
Dr Tim French, who unfortuantly was not French as we originally thought but Australian.
Powerpoint stuff ups.
Tripping over stairs.
Singing pokemon at the top of our lungs.
Losing the Game.
Getting eaten by a bin.
And being handed a rather large amount of green handouts which I was meant to distribute but found the nearest person and said "Take one pass it on!", and ran for it.
I will leave you with this little thought: Chicken.
I told you it was little.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
This Week
Welcome to a blog that not only doesn't have an abstract noun as a topic but also doesn't have an abstract topic as a noun.
Doesn't make sense? Brilliant!
This blog, unlike my others, is going to be vague. Having a rare fix of Tuesdayitis wherein I cannot be bothered to play Chrono Trigger or Team Fortress 2 I have resorted to entertaining myself as well as you guys through the powerful magic of words.
This week, me and my fellow UWAians are attending O-Week which is a witty and quite blatently funny abbreviation for Orientation Week.
So far we have only gone for one day; It was mediocre.
We arrived with stomachs rumbling, eager at the promise of a free breakfast. Our minds delusional at the prospect of hot bacon smothered in scrambled eggs topped with greasy tomatoes and fried potatoes made our mouths salivate. The simultanous sound of 2500 First Years drooling caused the organisers to stumble.
"What do we do?" Screamed one while fighting back twenty ravenous students with a broom.
"Aim for the Head!" Responded another while kicking a First Year in the face.
"We don't want to Kill them!" Cried another as the students swarmed him "We need their money!"
"THEN RETREAT! GIVE IT TO THEM!"
We entered into the food hall with expectations and to everyone's dissapointment;
It was crepe. (Editors note: I used that around 10 times on the day to the same people, still funny)
All the engineering/math/computing students congregated in the same place. We sat down and waiting paitently for the presenter to start.
She entered, "You all excited?", she asked.
There was a low drone of "Yes"'s from everyone.
She asked again, "Looking forward to Uni?"
This time there was a mixed response of high pitched "yeah"'s and low pitched "nah"'s. This spectacle caused a select few to laugh for no reason but these laughs were swallowed by the onslaught of laughs directed to the original laughers.
She asked for a third time, "Was breakfast good?"
A universal "No" spoke out from all of us. "It was Crepe", I shouted...
Noone laughed.
(Editors note: This may or may not have happened but is damn funny either way)
What followed has rather boring. We were put in random groups to 'break the ice'. Of course this didn't happen as our group leader tried to rally the troops.
"Come on guys!", he yelled not to enthusiasticly, "We need a team name."
Complete silence.
"How about...", I ventured, casting my mind back to Year 11, "...The Killer Pascals"
Complete silence.
"I'm going to take that as a yes. Now, We need a motto. Does anyone wanna come up with a motto?"
"What's a motto?", asked one of the other kids
"Nothing.", I replied, "Whats the motto with you? AHAhahahhahahahaaaaaah....
...um how about Hakuna Matata?", My mind already in Lion King mode.
"It has to be three words long," replied our team leader eager to start.
"A hakuna Matata?"
Complete silence.
"Um...no", replied our leader.
The silence that followed was deafening.
We eventually settled on "Life is a chain reaction" which I thought was nowhere near as cool as my "Hakuna Matata" motto.
And that basically wraps up this blog as I cannot be bothered writing anymore.
Oh but I would just like to say that riding your bike one minute and crashing into the ground while wondering why your pedal came off is not that cracked up to what it's meant to be.
But it is damn funny riding past the traffic lights then seemingly appearing to stumble off your bike while holding the fallen bike pedal up for the world to see, shrug, then continue on.
Jeremy (is) signing off.
Doesn't make sense? Brilliant!
This blog, unlike my others, is going to be vague. Having a rare fix of Tuesdayitis wherein I cannot be bothered to play Chrono Trigger or Team Fortress 2 I have resorted to entertaining myself as well as you guys through the powerful magic of words.
This week, me and my fellow UWAians are attending O-Week which is a witty and quite blatently funny abbreviation for Orientation Week.
So far we have only gone for one day; It was mediocre.
We arrived with stomachs rumbling, eager at the promise of a free breakfast. Our minds delusional at the prospect of hot bacon smothered in scrambled eggs topped with greasy tomatoes and fried potatoes made our mouths salivate. The simultanous sound of 2500 First Years drooling caused the organisers to stumble.
"What do we do?" Screamed one while fighting back twenty ravenous students with a broom.
"Aim for the Head!" Responded another while kicking a First Year in the face.
"We don't want to Kill them!" Cried another as the students swarmed him "We need their money!"
"THEN RETREAT! GIVE IT TO THEM!"
We entered into the food hall with expectations and to everyone's dissapointment;
It was crepe. (Editors note: I used that around 10 times on the day to the same people, still funny)
All the engineering/math/computing students congregated in the same place. We sat down and waiting paitently for the presenter to start.
She entered, "You all excited?", she asked.
There was a low drone of "Yes"'s from everyone.
She asked again, "Looking forward to Uni?"
This time there was a mixed response of high pitched "yeah"'s and low pitched "nah"'s. This spectacle caused a select few to laugh for no reason but these laughs were swallowed by the onslaught of laughs directed to the original laughers.
She asked for a third time, "Was breakfast good?"
A universal "No" spoke out from all of us. "It was Crepe", I shouted...
Noone laughed.
(Editors note: This may or may not have happened but is damn funny either way)
What followed has rather boring. We were put in random groups to 'break the ice'. Of course this didn't happen as our group leader tried to rally the troops.
"Come on guys!", he yelled not to enthusiasticly, "We need a team name."
Complete silence.
"How about...", I ventured, casting my mind back to Year 11, "...The Killer Pascals"
Complete silence.
"I'm going to take that as a yes. Now, We need a motto. Does anyone wanna come up with a motto?"
"What's a motto?", asked one of the other kids
"Nothing.", I replied, "Whats the motto with you? AHAhahahhahahahaaaaaah....
...um how about Hakuna Matata?", My mind already in Lion King mode.
"It has to be three words long," replied our team leader eager to start.
"A hakuna Matata?"
Complete silence.
"Um...no", replied our leader.
The silence that followed was deafening.
We eventually settled on "Life is a chain reaction" which I thought was nowhere near as cool as my "Hakuna Matata" motto.
And that basically wraps up this blog as I cannot be bothered writing anymore.
Oh but I would just like to say that riding your bike one minute and crashing into the ground while wondering why your pedal came off is not that cracked up to what it's meant to be.
But it is damn funny riding past the traffic lights then seemingly appearing to stumble off your bike while holding the fallen bike pedal up for the world to see, shrug, then continue on.
Jeremy (is) signing off.
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