Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Magic: The Gathering

Before I get into this blog I would like to open with a joke.
Unfortuantly noone will get this unless they have read Medea.

i-Juice:
Drink it, First for the gods.


Because... First kinda sounds like thirst and i-Juice is like Apple's Juice...so its kinda like Apple Juice.

Anywho.

I would like to point out that as of last Saturday my geekiness rating has dramatically increased by 7 points. Yes last Saturday my friend introduced my into the world of Magic: The Gathering.

While seemingly minding my own buisness while looking after two small children I received a phone call.
Ok, thats a lie. I just had them play Mario Kart and I would've been playing as well if it weren't for my lost gamecube controller.
The phone call was strange. "Jeremy?", my friend opened with, "Is that you?"
I gave the appropriate reply, "WAAAAAAAAZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!?"
Cut forward five minutes.
"So what did you ring me for?", I asked while explaining to the small one that winning isn't everything.
"Do you want to play Magic?"
"Not really..."
"Well too bad, I'm getting you a deck"
"....ok"
"I'm thinking a Jund deck because that seems like your type of playstyle. Strike quick and strike fast. In and out in under a minute."
Ignoring this subtle jab at my manhood, I promptly replied with "..."
"Good I'm coming over now", replied my 'friend'

Zoom forward 5 hours after the little children had escaped from my clutches.
"So", I said still struggling with the concept of attacking, "If I attack with my Sprouting Thrinax and my Ember Weaver as well as my two Saprolings then I can overwhelm you with sheer numbers."
"You could, but if I block that with that and that with that then I can just obliterate you and your creatures."
"Oh...", I said, "I thought it was like Yugioh."
"NO! IT IS NOTHING LIKE YUGIOH", Screamed my friend, "I CHALLANGE YOU TO MORTAL KOMBAT!"
"YOU'RE ON!", came the obvious reply.


....He owned me in that as well. Stupid Kung Lao and his hat.


Zoom forward an hour

"Which means," I said, "I get to attack you directly because of my flying ability meaning you lose your life and I win the game!"
"Congratulations", came the reply, "Now I will play with my Art of Fact deck."
"...oh"

Knowing full well that my deck had no cards in it to destroy Artifacts, as he made it, my friend quickly demolished me to the ground. Again.

While only winning around a quater of the 12 or so matches we fought,I felt a deep sense of pride. Not only had I summomed out a 11/11 Voracious Dragon and equiped a First Strike enchantment to my Deathtouch Iguna but I had also developed a strange fetish towards Saprolings.
Sure they are weak and made of fungus but their irresistable cuteness cast all of those negative thoughts aside.
I began searching for Saproling tokens and Concept Art of these desirable creatures to quell my thirst for the strange obsession that had consumed me. I started a fan club and renamed my deck from "The Cleansing Shadow" to "Saprolings ROX!!!!!!".
The many fan fictions detailing the lives of the Saproling; How their innocence is capsulated by the inversely proportioned number of feelers on their head, were quick to follow. I started referencing Saprolings in my jokes as well as trying to start a meme about them. Sadly "Spy Saproling my Dispenser" never took off.

I received another phone call two days later.
"Jeremy?", asked the caller
"WAAAAZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP", came the reply, "Who is this?"
"Oh it's Tim, Just wondering what you're doing."
"I'm playing Magic", came the smug reply.
"Uh...huh" replied Tim with a somewhat withdrawed tone.
"It is great", I said countering with an energetic tone, "I had this 8/8 Slime out and was gonna win but then my friend summoned his Leithianen and used his special ability to draw two cards from his graveyard which put my Alligator's attack down by two."
"..." replied Tim, not sure if he was hearing what his ears were telling him I was saying.
"Wow...", I spake with realisation, "That is really sad"
"Yeah...it is"
"But it is STILL AWESOME! Wanna come and play it with me?"

I never found out his answer to my question as he promptly hung up.

Oh well, with friends like that, who needs Saprolings?

....oh come on, I thought it was a good joke.

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