On Friday the 2nd of January, 2009, I was in a pickle of what to do. My internet had finally been capped and I had a rare case of can’t-be-bothered-gamingitis so instead I participated in a drinking game. Except instead of alcohol I was drinking knowledge.
In an effort to expand the expanses of my mind I set up a little experiment. I wished to learn about people’s manners and how they would respond to a simple greeting of “Hi.” Theorising that since the introduction of the internet and the excitingly paced, instant knowledge we are privy to, this comparably slow and dull message would likely go unnoticed to the people stalking other people via Facebook and the like.
Originally I was going to mail everyone letters with a simple “Hi.” inside the envelope. However it quickly dawned on me that I did not have as many home addresses in comparison to email addresses as well as the small issue of cost. One stamp costing around 50c and having to send it to 50 people, I did not wish to spend $25 in the name of science. Hey, in my defence, I could do a lot with $25. Like give some people in Africa a goat, or buy a couple of tins of paint, or most likely, exchange it for 500 5c coins and play Jenga with them. The point being, I don’t have a job and thus no money. So instead, I settled for the inferior method of email to send my greeting.
Sending the message to a random sample of 49 people (That is, everyone on my contact list but deleted a couple because you can only send to a max of 50 people in one email) I waited with anticipation. Conversing with a W.O.W addict while doing so I quickly became aware he was a jerk.
Our conversation went something along these lines (I have changed the name to protect the identity of the individual):
Jeremy: You get my email?
Divad: Kinda pointless ain’t it?
Jeremy: So, why didn’t you reply?
Diviad: I just couldn’t be bothered and I don’t think anyone else can be.
Jeremy: So even though I greeted you, you blatantly ignored me and continued to play W.O.W
Divad: Pretty much, I’m Level 43 now!
Jeremy: You know you are a Jerk.
Diviad: Why?
Jeremy: Because you didn’t reply to my greeting! If someone went up to you and said “Hi” would you ignore them?
Divad: Probably
Jeremy: You see you’re a jerk
Divad: Then a jerk I am.
And later on, just to magnify the jerkiness of this individual.
Divad: Check it out! I got a new spell that basically stops things from running away allowing me to kill them easier.
Jeremy:….you really are a jerk.
So without high hopes for humanity I patiently waited while playing minesweeper (High score 4 seconds on easy by the way). A thought struck me:
Maybe this method of testing seemed unfair. Maybe we distance ourselves from society when we go on the internet and become different people hiding behind a screen. After all, it’s easy to be a jerk to someone you are not directly in front of. You see this all the time in the form of road rage. When driving cars we do not view other cars as people but merely objects. We do not personify the cars or rather we objectify the people driving them. As we do not know them, what they do for a living, if a close relation has just died etc, we merely assume that this person is a jerk. It is quite easy to blame something, in this case another car, that cannot respond and defend themselves than to blame someone or to look at yourself and realise that you are in the wrong. Maybe they cut you off because they are already late for an important business meeting or didn’t see you because there are 3 toddlers in the back chucking toys at the drivers head.
Oh and fun experiment! Next time you are on the roads and someone speeds past you or does something dangerous comment upon this. You will most likely assume the driver is male, it’s true. Inversely also do this when someone is going really slowly.
Yay for stereotypes!
I then realised I wasn’t thinking to anyone at all and questioned my reasoning as to start a massive rant on road rage that noone would hear… but I digress.
I waited patiently until Wednesday the 7th of the same month and year to give everyone a chance to view their inbox and either disregard the email or send a heartfelt reply back to me.
To be honest I did not expect any replies due to the relatively trivial subject matter of the email. It pleased me then when I received an email back not 6 hours after I had sent the original email.
At 6:55pm I opened the email and read:
“hi : )”
Disregarding the horrible punctuation I felt pleased that my trivial message was responded to with some amount of thought and care. The addition of the sideways smiley face was a simple yet effective touch restoring my faith in humanity. The individual who sent this (scoring 100 seconds worse on expert minesweeper than my sister) never received a reply to their reply. Yes, I, like many of you, just could not be arsed typing another email, mainly because a conversation starting with ‘hi’ and ‘hi’ cannot really continue anywhere except for the horrible cliché “you like stuff?” and secondly because I just don’t really like the individual that much.
Two hours later I received another email, this time from a confusing individual who “shares [his] asparagus” which could be taken in a negative and sexual connation but we won’t. Because we are mature.
At 8:13pm (and presumably now) his email read:
“ATTENTION JEREMY:
You are gay.
Wasted my time.
I might kill you tonight.
:)”
Originally perturbed by the blatant threat I grew concerned. Was my harmless email actually a massive timewaster? Will 49 people open up the email I sent them and classify it as merely a space filler, a time waster that wasted them of time they could have spent eating a Tiny Teddy or day dreaming absentmindedly about me (I know y’all do it). However on closer inspection this email made me feel hope. Unlike the previous email this subject used proper punctuation, spelling and grammar. He imitated my original email which, as I recall, is the highest form of flattery (however try telling that to Warner Brothers –“I swear, Hari Puter is not Harry Potter!!!”) and it is clear that a lot of thought went into this threat. He even goes as far to suggest he would willingly give up precious amounts of his time to do something for me because of the email I sent. So after some twisted thinking I started to regain my faith in society and this wonderful little man.
The next email I received was at 10:41pm of the same day. It read:
“bastard
btw i havent forgotten about rvb or our epic battle... its just...gotta go with the flow
but i did finish ninja gaiden 2 and have started again”
Cringing at the horrible punctuation I was confused about this email. Did this subject actually read the email I sent him? Did the subject actually bother to segue into this random rant? Are you thinking what I’m thinking B1? The answer to all these questions (and “What is an anagram of on?”) is no.
At least I don’t think so.
The last time I wasn’t paying attention to this subject I copped a face full of fist so I am going to verify this randomness.
Think of an animal, any animal (no, mayonnaise is not an animal). Now think of your favourite colour. Now think of a verb, that’s a doing word for all you playing at home. And lastly think of an object.
Now add onto the end of the email:
btw btw this (animal) (verb)ed my (colour) (object)
Would that seem out of place? If the answer is no then it is truly random. If yes then I never want to speak to you again.
Traitor.
The final email I received was at 11:08 the next morning. It simply read:
“HI!!”
This is very much in the same artery as the first email I received. It replies to the simple message with a simple message as well. Albeit a hyperactive and caps locked simple message, but a simple message nonetheless.
While this message is more energetic than the rest, resulting in the feeling that someone is megaphoning in my ear, I believe that this over excitable attitude is actually a detriment rather than a benefit. The addition of a relatively useless extra exclamation mark made me further question this subject’s sanity further making my doubts slowly but surely grow. This last email nibbled at my thoughts. Surely if this person responds to your greeting so strongly and enthusiastically one should respond in a similar fashion. Therefore I felt weird not responding. It was like if a person handing out leaflets about saving the trees were to suddenly receive a rival leaflet questioning the use of leaflets as an effective measure to tell the world about saving the trees (drink the irony of that). I felt flustered and somewhat lost for words. This offhand reply had caught me off guard.
But then I guess that is what is so great about it because this furthers my point that humans are ingenious. Yes, very stupid but ingenious nonetheless. By one upping my seemingly random email by procuring another, not quite as random but very loud email in response this subject demonstrates the ingenuity of the human mind. Their frightening power to adapt to new situations and survive through countless disasters truly earns them the title of the Cockroaches of the Universe.
So in conclusion. Out of the 49 emails I sent only 4 were returned. However 4 out of 49 ain’t that bad. Wait, yes it is, it’s only 8%. But those four were all resoundingly positive (save for the third one but shh). This might have something to do with the fact that the people most likely to respond in a harsh matter, condescending me for my actions are also most likely too lazy to respond or merely can’t be bothered (there is a difference).
So while the W.O.W addict (lvl 44 now) first planted the seeds of doubt in my mind concerning the manners of the human kind, the ravens of response plucked those away leaving a bare and barren landscape where cynicism and scorn do not grow leaving the animals of hate and malice to slowly die in the deep pit of realisation.
So in conclusion I would just like to say that playing W.O.W will mess up your judgement and your life.
So don’t play it.
Um…yeah
To answer your questions:
• Took me 2 days to write
• No, not two days straight, around 2-3 hours total
• Yes I do have a life, I just lost it
• Behind you
• 1906 words
• It isn’t David I swear
• No
• No
• Yes but I don’t have the guitar
• Nepal
• Well I did try to be an internet hairdresser but I just couldn’t find the com(b)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment