Hello

I guess I better update this thing now.

I am going to tell you a tale. An observation if you will.
In November it was my friend's 18th Birthday so naturally we went out and celebrated the fact that he has made it another year without dying and has around 62 birthdays left before he dies.
We went to a restaurant with his family, a nice Thai joint... the restaurant not the family, and some friends.
T'was a pleasant evening, much pleasantries were had. People tried to perform psychology experiments on me but failed miserably and, as everything does, the eating came to an end.

Yet there were still mountains of food left.
Now me being of a environmental nature does not enjoy the sight of wasted food. If I bit into something that I do not like, by George I am going to finish it one way or another because, you can't just leave it on the table half eaten can you? It's unhygienic.
So while I was full to the brim I begrudgingly picked up my fork and started chowing down on the remaining dishes (Just a wafer thin crisp).
Much to the amusement of me my friend's single digit year old brother found this incredibly fascinating. To my astonishment he started to bring me food. Not being one to let a perfectly good setup go to waste, I waited patiently while he waited on me. Although the food got more and more outlandish (who would have thought napkin's tasted like onions) I wasn't one to scoff at free food delivery. But what I found most interesting is that children love to watch me eat. I put it down to my natural charm and good looks.

A couple of days ago on Boxing Day, the family went to my Uncle's house for dinner. He is in the possession of two small children as well and they started feeding me for one reason or the other.
Ripping leaves off trees they presented the leafy meal to me threatening me that "If [I did] not eat it then [she would] eat me".
Not being a fan of being eaten alive I tucked into this fibrous feast.
But it did not end there! Oh No!
Bark, grass and items of clothing soon followed, each presented with the same threat. Obviously my cousin started to realise that constant threats would get you nowhere in life and thus offered an incentive while presenting me with the flower of a Hibiscus.
"If you eat this then you will turn into a half crab, half crow, half dragon creature."
Purely for scientific research and my undying curiosity what one would look like as One and a half creatures I took the bait magical food.
But it did not stop there! To stay in my magical state I had to continually feed or I would turn back into those horrid two legged creatures with fur on their heads. My cousins raided the Vege Garden. They pulled up lettuce, they ripped up some thyme. The rosemary was not safe as they ravaged the delicious herb along with the lemon grass with the accumulated filth of all its sex and murder foamed up about its waist. It looked up and shouted "Save Me!"... But I looked down and whispered "No."

And they enjoyed watching me eat.
I was quite scared.
But that is all from me, I'm going to go and play some Torchlight.