2009

Well it has been a rollercoaster of a year.
We've had our laughs, and had our tears.
It started with me drinking punch and was followed by unforgettable murders, rape, a couple of house break ins and who could forget the adorable kitten that got squashed by a filing cabinet.
I’d like to point out that not all of the above was committed by me, most of the people.... actually all of the people that committed those crimes are now safely behind bars except for the kitten squasher. He just got a hefty fine and needs to see a psychologist.



What a year...

Interesting Convo

benjamin B1 says:
wowww
it's been a year since we got out TEE results
feels both SO much longer ago, and yet only a few months ago

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
*sniff*
they grow up so fast don't they?

benjamin B1 says:
i know *wipes away tears*

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
oh well
let's have another

benjamin B1 says:
no
i... i can't live through all the pain it put us both through
i don't think our relationship could stand another one

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
I DONT CARE
I WANT ANOTHER ONE
YOU NEVER LISTEN TO WHAT I SAY ANYMORE
you never touch me like you used to

benjamin B1 says:
how could you be so selfish?! would you really rather raising a child in seperate homes?!
I couldn't do that, it would break my heart
think of the kids we have now. poor little sue-anne and billy-bob

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
i dont care about them
dilenquits
plus i want that baby bonus

benjamin B1 says:
delinquents?

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
only way to get my booze
shh

benjamin B1 says:
See?! You haven't even gotten over your own issues from the last lot
how could you even consider bringing another one into this world?

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
i need the fix
I NEED IT NOW

benjamin B1 says:
Plus, it's like throwing a hotdog down the hallway now as it is, could you imagine what pushing out another kid would do to you?

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
thats it
im off to the sperm bank
i dont need you

benjamin B1 says:
If you do..
I'm taking the kids

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
good
i get the booze though
damn kids stealing my alcomohol

benjamin B1 says:
HOW?! they're only 5 and 9, they can't even stand the smell, let alone the taste of that stuff

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
well i have a full bottle before i go to sleep
and when i make up its mysteriously gone
explain that

benjamin B1 says:
you make up?

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
a full bottle cant just dissapear
wake

benjamin B1 says:
No, you drink it in you sleep
You're drunk now, aren't you?

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
i smight be
its the only way i can live in this filth

benjamin B1 says:
What happened to your plans to go to rehab?!

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
i blame you, you and your horrible little job
cant support us
i have no money for rehab!

benjamin B1 says:
I WORK 2 JOBS TO SUPPORT YOU AND THE KIDS! I EARN MORE BY MYSELF IN A WEEK THEN MOST FAMILIES EARN ALTOGETHER IN A MONTH! MAYBE IF YOU STOPPED WASTING ALL OUR MONEY ON ALCOHOL WE'D BE ABLE TO AFFORD MORE THINGS!
That's it, I've tried being civil with you, but I'm past dealing with your crap
I think it's time you went and stayed at your mothers

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
DAMN IT HENRY!
shes a mormon
NO booze there
mormen?

benjamin B1 says:
EXACTLY!

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
mormon

benjamin B1 says:
Cheapest rehab you'll ever get

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
MORE LIKE MORON

benjamin B1 says:
Yeah, looks like you take after your mother then

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
DAMN IT HENRY
Bobby didnt treat me like this
we had something
BUT YOU@
only thinking for yourself

benjamin B1 says:
BOBBY WAS A CRACK ADDICT!

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
and what we're going to eat for dinner
AT LEAST BOBBY LOVED ME

benjamin B1 says:
NO, BOBBY LOVED YOUR MONEY
And the fact you had a clean record and a credit card he could max out
now you don't even have that
you wouldnt' survive on your own

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
i have my dignity!

benjamin B1 says:
No you don't!

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
*burp*

benjamin B1 says:
Your credit rating is lower than Paris Hilton's morals
You don't even know how to call a cab

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
HEY!
HEY!
i dont need to know how to call the cabn
everything i need is in this shack
Timmy!
TIMMY!

benjamin B1 says:
IT'S NOT A SHACK!

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
GET MUMMAS BOOZE

benjamin B1 says:
THAT IS OUR NEIGHBOURS SHED!
Who is Timmy?

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
er... the blonde one?

benjamin B1 says:
Have you stolen the neighbours kid again?!

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
or the one with the limp?
i forget

benjamin B1 says:
God DAMMIT woman, what is your problem?!
How did you get to this point?!

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
I woke up one morning
rolled over
and found out i was sharing the bed with you
YOU!
you make me sick

benjamin B1 says:
No, you can't say that, you were worse than this when I met you.
I brought you back some form of morals. We sorted you out, got you clean, and we had an amazing life

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
thats the past henry
THE PAST
gotta move with the times

benjamin B1 says:
Something happened. I don't know what, but something happened to change you

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
gotta get my next fix
maybe
maybe
maybe it was when you started playing that game of yours
THAT STUPID GAME

benjamin B1 says:
The only fix you need is tightening that screw loose in your head!

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
making me loose all the time

benjamin B1 says:
... damn

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
MAKING ME SELF CONCIOUS
plummeting my self esteem through the floor
i started drinking again to forget
TO FORGET ABOUT THE GAME!

benjamin B1 says:
No Jill, don't say that. That's not true

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
:'(
I just
i just
i just dont know what to do anymore

benjamin B1 says:
I know what you can do... You can get your ass into rehab, kick that stupid habit of yours, and maybe then we can move on with our lives
Or, maybe, if you can't do that... You can pack up and move out of our house

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
:'(
:'(
BAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
*LOUD CRYING*

benjamin B1 says:
See? This is what you do

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
*Blows nose loudly*

benjamin B1 says:
You can't handle the consequences
You need to learn to deal with your actions
Because when the reality hits, it hits hard. And you need to be stronger to deal with them

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
*sniff*
no
no
you're right
you're right
i gotta get straight
i gotta get back on path
i gotta forget about this game and stop drin-

benjamin B1 says:
Yes, you do

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
DAMN IT

benjamin B1 says:
damn
That is really, really inconvenient

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
*reaches for bottle*

benjamin B1 says:
NO!
JILL, DON'T!
Come on! You've come this far!

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
BUT HOW ELSE AM I MEANT TO FORGET!

benjamin B1 says:
WITH SHEER INNER STRENTH AND WILL POWER!
Billions of people around the world can forget about it, so I'm sure we can

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
im not sure i can do this alone

benjamin B1 says:
You don't have to...
You don't have to.
That's what I'm here for
and the kids... although I think it's best if they stay with my parents while we work things out

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
you're right
i dont want them to see me like this

benjamin B1 says:
I think they've seen enough, that's for sure

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
Aw.... come here Henry

benjamin B1 says:
*cautiously walks towards you*

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
*hugs*

benjamin B1 says:
See, we can work through this

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
i know we can
i know we can

*slow zoom out pans to top left*

*curtains close*

End of Act 1

benjamin B1 says:
*applause*

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
*sniff*
So beautiful
thats my Jillian there!

benjamin B1 says:
I really felt that

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
They grow up so fast

benjamin B1 says:
My, don't they?!
I mean, I really felt the story in that. The characters are really coming into their own

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
.....seriously?
are we being ben and jeremy again?
like out of character?

benjamin B1 says:
Who is ben and jeremy?

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
cause I just thought they were cliche stereotypes
...im going to save that

benjamin B1 says:
save what?
what are you talking about?
... please don't tell me you're going back to the bottle

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
wait
are we jill and henry again?
or people in the crowd watching?

benjamin B1 says:
what are you talking about?

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
i have no idea

benjamin B1 says:
My name is Ross!

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
and my name is...

benjamin B1 says:
?! ARE YOU HIGH?!
Margaret, come on, I think we should leave

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
but the elephants
i want to see them dance
and why do i have to play the girl all the time?

benjamin B1 says:
Hahaha, because you are such a loser

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
...yeah

benjamin B1 says:
ahh well
you'll deal with it one of these days

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
but
i can always put it off
right?

benjamin B1 says:
No! You have to deal with these things head on!

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
twss

benjamin B1 says:
Touche

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
ew

benjamin B1 says:
... i'm going to see this conversation posted somewhere soon, aren't i?

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
yes
very soon in fact
im getting too predictable aren't i?

benjamin B1 says:
....
bollocks

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
its a pain putting spaces in the convo

benjamin B1 says:
that's what you got for being a loser

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
...*sigh*
im not putting that bit in now

benjamin B1 says:
which bit??

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
about me being the loser

benjamin B1 says:
ohh... i guess people will figure that bit out anyway
... how much of it ARE you putting in?
... he he

Now With Extra Jeremy says:
i think i'll leave it at that

Hello

I guess I better update this thing now.

I am going to tell you a tale. An observation if you will.
In November it was my friend's 18th Birthday so naturally we went out and celebrated the fact that he has made it another year without dying and has around 62 birthdays left before he dies.
We went to a restaurant with his family, a nice Thai joint... the restaurant not the family, and some friends.
T'was a pleasant evening, much pleasantries were had. People tried to perform psychology experiments on me but failed miserably and, as everything does, the eating came to an end.

Yet there were still mountains of food left.
Now me being of a environmental nature does not enjoy the sight of wasted food. If I bit into something that I do not like, by George I am going to finish it one way or another because, you can't just leave it on the table half eaten can you? It's unhygienic.
So while I was full to the brim I begrudgingly picked up my fork and started chowing down on the remaining dishes (Just a wafer thin crisp).
Much to the amusement of me my friend's single digit year old brother found this incredibly fascinating. To my astonishment he started to bring me food. Not being one to let a perfectly good setup go to waste, I waited patiently while he waited on me. Although the food got more and more outlandish (who would have thought napkin's tasted like onions) I wasn't one to scoff at free food delivery. But what I found most interesting is that children love to watch me eat. I put it down to my natural charm and good looks.

A couple of days ago on Boxing Day, the family went to my Uncle's house for dinner. He is in the possession of two small children as well and they started feeding me for one reason or the other.
Ripping leaves off trees they presented the leafy meal to me threatening me that "If [I did] not eat it then [she would] eat me".
Not being a fan of being eaten alive I tucked into this fibrous feast.
But it did not end there! Oh No!
Bark, grass and items of clothing soon followed, each presented with the same threat. Obviously my cousin started to realise that constant threats would get you nowhere in life and thus offered an incentive while presenting me with the flower of a Hibiscus.
"If you eat this then you will turn into a half crab, half crow, half dragon creature."
Purely for scientific research and my undying curiosity what one would look like as One and a half creatures I took the bait magical food.
But it did not stop there! To stay in my magical state I had to continually feed or I would turn back into those horrid two legged creatures with fur on their heads. My cousins raided the Vege Garden. They pulled up lettuce, they ripped up some thyme. The rosemary was not safe as they ravaged the delicious herb along with the lemon grass with the accumulated filth of all its sex and murder foamed up about its waist. It looked up and shouted "Save Me!"... But I looked down and whispered "No."

And they enjoyed watching me eat.
I was quite scared.
But that is all from me, I'm going to go and play some Torchlight.

Well that was a weird walk...

In short because I cannot be bothered writing in full.



Took the dog for a walk
Lost the dog
Spent the next hour looking for her and circled the park twice ( it is a massive park )
Found her at the Primary school being catered to by 5 or so girls with a ball and water
Spent the next hour having my dog stolen by people in Grade 1 and watched her walk around the school with an entourage of people following her. Amazingly no teachers put a stop to this while we disrupted many a people.

Choice

While blocking out the sounds of the ever sickening sweet Deck the Halls I sat down to write something. Anything. The infinite possibilities were stretching out in front of me. In my fingers I had the power to mould my creation to be whatever I wanted. Anything at all.

And yet, I faulted.

For you see it is often hard for people to choose something when given the choice out of, well everything because the opportunity cost is too great.

‘Would you like the Apple shavings or the Mango seed?’ is a much easier question to answer than ‘Which star would you like?’, at least to me it is.

The former you just have to ask yourself one question:

Do I feel like Apples more than I feel like Mangos?

Whereas the latter question would have you summing up the advantages and disadvantages of each individual star eventually coming to a conclusion that presented you with the star that you found the most profitable/closest/powerful. Either that or you could just choose the most prettiest.

And that is why I find it annoying when presented with a Menu from a restaurant. So much choice! So many different possibilities and all the time as I skim the menu hoping for some divine insight there is a niggling thought at the back of my mind going “But if you choose that then I won’t be able to eat the Lasagne or the Chicken!”

So I go through the processes. What do I feel like? What don’t I want? Oh, but I had that one the last time. But if I get that one I might not like it and it will be wasted. But Jade is getting that one already. That one is a bit pricey. BUT WHAT DO I FEEL LIKE!?

And all the time is the illogical thought running through my brain suggesting to myself that I would be insulting the rest of the dishes if I didn’t choose them. Curse you Beauty and the Beast and your improbable scenes.

My thinking and pondering would be greatly reduced if the menu had only two options but alas that shall never happen.

This is why all my major decisions are made by closing my eyes and pointing. Random chance is the way to go. I figure if I spend 10 minutes debating by myself between two options or more, carefully listing the pros and cons of each, just to say, when I eventually choose the option, ‘Oh, but what if I have this one instead?’

I find it much more logical to randomly choose one, decide “Oh not that one” and repeat.

Engineer Strategy

Of all the time spent playing Engineer on Team Fortress 2 I have come to realise that everyone often destroys your buildings first.
They don't understand the might of the shotgun or a whole clip of the pistol point blank and as such ignore you... which is a grave mistake.
I often set up a level one sentry just around a corner with me hiding somewhere on the other side of the corner with the sentry in my line of sight. The sentry is the bait, if you will, I am springing a trap.

The Soldier comes around the corner and sees a Level One sentry just sitting there, it shoots him a few times as he quickly ducks back behind cover. Any Soldier worth his salt knows that he can easily take out a sentry around the corner by shooting the ground near it. So he starts to position himself, gets in view of the target and shoots. All the while you have run up to him shot him six times point blank with the shotgun and he is dead.


Of course this doesn't always happens. The pyros just rush it and the spies just sap it and even a clip of shotgun shells won't take down a full health heavy but it is an interesting observation that more often than not people will take out your stuff before taking out you.


I sometimes use this to my advantage as I am running away, I plop down a dispenser which subverts their attention for a few seconds. While this isn't much I figure I am going to die anyway, may as well.


And now i'm off.

Interesting Question

I bring you two interesting questions today:

1)

So does an erect penis weigh the same as a flacid one?

Because of conservation of mass and all that.



and 2)

How did I start thinking about that?




These are the questions that keep me up at night.

Happy 50th!

Why thankyou myself...
Thankyou.

*cue tumbleweed*

But seriously, discounting oneliners, double posts, old news and nonhelpful information this is probably the 10th post.
So HAPPY 10th POST!

Not at all stolen from Google Images....I swear.