Singapore

This one is fairly new, I just wrote it last Wednesday after coming back from Singapore.
So, let us do this!

Ok, I lie, I’m sill in Singapore (at the time of writing…now I’m back in Perth) but have grown so bored that I have decided to write up some interesting stuff for my beautiful fans… as well as you guys. This isn’t to say Singapore is boring, no far from it. Cheap Food + Unnatural Cleanliness – Annoying Weather = Pretty Interesting. However I can still easily sum up Singapore in three words “Food and Shops”. Seriously, they not only excel in these two areas but they end up ruthlessly beating any other stall into a smoldering pile of burnt up horse shoes that Little Johnny from Grade Two would have burst into tears upon seeing. HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT JOHNNY!? HEY? NO AMOUNT OF GOLD STARS WILL SAVE YOU NOW!

…I’m sorry, I seem to have lost my train of thought.

…So…food and shops

Most people who know me know that I like my grub but am often crippled from my desire to eat by my lack of job, money, and general Asian reluctance to part with my money (If you don’t know that then shame on you! *tut tut tut*). So to those select few that know me (*grin*), they would know that Singapore is a goldmine for cheap food, thus, in my eyes, BRILLIANT! A whole meal for 4 people for $6? Brilliant. Drinks for $1? Awesome! Shark fin and Turtle soup?....not so brilliant…but still.

Now we arrive to the second part of Singapore, shopping. Now those of you have been shopping with me…what’s that? You haven’t? No surprise there because I hardly go shopping at all! I just don’t find trudging through a multitude of places for a multitude of hours looking at a multitude of items that I am most likely not going to buy with my non existent money fun. Now I’m not saying shopping isn’t fun. Oh wait, I am. See? Right there! Now keep that in mind while I elaborate.

Imagine peak hour on the train. That seem crowded? Well imagine that but it stretches on for around the length of Whitties shops but outside in the heat with numerous ‘people’ urging you to look at their wares with as much subtlety as Godzilla in a demolition derby.

Need I say more?

“Yes” I hear you cry “We wish to hear the end of your increasingly funny anectdote!”

“Well” I say to you while gently stroking my ever growing ego “…fine”

Um…I just don’t like shopping much.

Wow, how anticlimactic.

There was nothing sexual about that last comment but if you do find anticlimaxes sexual than I feel for you. In a nonsexual way! Damn, I’m bad at this. Damn I’m just going to keep my mouth shut.

DAMN.

Anyway, the family also went to Ho Chi Minh in Vietnam where the only difference between urine and tap water is that one is septic and you can’t drink it and the other is excreted through your bladder. Though the worse thing about Vietnam is the traffic, its worse than Malaysia and incredibly more evil than Singapore or Perth.

Imagine a school, roughly 1000 people and they all ride scooters,

Now imagine if the principal drove a car. That is the ratio in Vietnam and around thrice as many people stop at traffic lights (when there are traffic lights) at a given time. On that note the intersections are around 50m by 50m and they usually drive up the sidewalk anyway to turn the corner beeping all the way.

Which lends me to another thing, there is nonstop beeping of horns. When you overtake someone you beep, if you are turning, beep, if you don’t like the noise, beep.
Also crossing the road is a nightmare. There are never ever any breaks in the flow of traffic, so you have to step into the swirling mass of scooters going about 60km/hr each hoping that they don’t hit you while finding your happy place. The end result is that you create a sort of force field where traffic will swerve away from but beeping intensifies 10fold. I lost count of how many times I found my happy place those four days, at least 80. I’m surprised they still let me in (on a brief sidenote I heard 3 ambulances on the first day of arrival, that puts confidence in you).

On the brief times that they had a green man (I counted two) it didn’t last long. You had 10 seconds to clear 50m before the scooter squad charge from the red light regardless if anyone is still crossing or not and all the warning the pedestrians got was the green man flashed, just once then promptly turned red.

However I was a millionaire in Vietnam what with the exchange (one dollar is around 15,000 Vietnam dong) so I guess it makes up for the clutter and noise.

Now while this might seem I am putting Singapore in a negative light I just would like to say that I was there for the star of the Chinese New Year (Year of the Ox!) and those few days I was there for the celebrations turned my view around about Singapore.

Firstly, the food. There was lots of it.

Enough said.

Secondly, there is this tradition were married couples give Red Packets of money to small children. These can range from $2 to $20. Now my family also visited a lot of people that I had long forgotten about but nevertheless remarked on how tall I had grown and they INSISTED that I take their money away from them.

It, was, BRILLIANT!

On the second day of Chinese New Year my family went and visited these randoms. 10 minutes later, around 15 other randoms walked in the door and promptly started handing out Red Packets. We did that three times in three hours and I reckon I amassed around $60 FROM PEOPLE THAT I HAD NEVER MET BEFORE.

IT WAS TOTALLY AWESOME

I think I got $100 total that trip and to all you Asians out there that of course got way more than me:
I’m not really Asian, just Asian looking… so there.

Now I could go onto talk about the McDonalds over there or Singapore tv, but I really can’t be bothered.

So I won’t.

So Goodbye

Calculus

This little gem is one that I am particularly proud of.
So I'm just going to dive straight into it,
Here you go:


Are you feeling under pressure?
Well thats normal....you're normally under about 101.3kPa of pressure....

Anyway.
Stressed? Is your brain throbbing? Don't you like Calculus or are you just plain fed up with higher level maths?

Well have I got a solution for you.
(ah......I'm so funny....solution......hehehehe)

All you have to do is; instead of doing LESS calculus you do MORE!
'Crazy' I hear you Cry, 'You must be insane!
'Well...yes... I am and i would be grateful if we didn't discuss this sensitive issue that is close to my heart....well technically its in my brain... but still...

My logic comes from the anceint Latinos, who among other things, invented politics, law, and velcro. They also spoke the Latin language.

Calculus which stems from 'Calc' meaning Gay and 'Ulus' meaning Por-naught finds its plural in the word Calculi.

Now I'm sure most of you smarties have caught up with my ruse, but to all the M&M's out there I will explain my theory.

By doing MORE Calculus or Gay-Por-naught you are indeed making the Calculus become plural.
Therefore you are studying Calculi.
(yes i realise this statement is incredibly flawed but why dont you just SHUT THE HELL UP)
As you are studying Calculi you are not studying calculus anymore.
'But' I hear you cry ' We are still studying really hard maths'
*snigger* You said butt

But that's the great thing.
Calculi doesnt exist.
Its imaginary.
...if you will, break it up into its individual components

Calc-ul-i
Calc meaning Gay
Ul from the first half of Ulus, so we take the first half of Por-naught, Porn
and i....which is sqrt-1

So in effect you are studying Imaginary Gay Porn instead of really hard maths.
Dadadadada

QED...You can imagine gay porn and pass it off as studying for Calculus.

Exams

All right people, prepare to strap your eyes in because i'm about to take them for the ride of their lives.
Think all my other entries were long, tedious and boring? WELL JUST LEAVE! NOONE CARES WHAT YOU THINK
*sob*
Well today, I will bring you three entries that I had completed during/regarding the TEE. All which have at least five jokes inbetween them (I counted =D).
So without further ado...


Study Break

Hello and Welcome to my blog, the only place where you can see a dancing monkey eat a sundae.

I'm sorry dear reader but I have made a vow. And it isn't one of those vows like, exercise more or eat more vegetables or don't kill anyone because we all know that's not goingto happen.
No the vow I have made, dear reader, is one to not make a Beaniedude production school study mock movie...like I have done for pretty much every single time for the past 'study' breaks.
Lets see:
"The Jeremy Show"
"Procrastination"
"Easter"
Yeeeep, that's three for three so far and i'm planning to make that three for four.
I figured with all that effort into making a 5minute 'movie' that not only wastes my time but everyone who watches (coincidently i'm noticing a pattern with my youtube comments, mainly they all start with "wtf?") the whole world would be better off if i just studied some more.......unfortuantly i don't see that creative outlet being very creative.

Actually no, studying can be very creative.
You can make little cartoons to help you remember the Bayer Process:
Bauxite:Oh no! Help me Au! I'm being dissolved in hot NaOH
Au: I'm sorry, we have to do this, at the end of this you'll be more pure

Or come up with lame puns to help you remember the names of the bones in the human body, don't worry they don't have to be humerous.
Or, my personal favourite, is coming up with a song/rap to remember your quotes:
Othello, the Black Moor
Othello, the Black Moor
An old black ram is tupping your white ewe
Othello, the Black Moor
Othello, A Babary horse
Othello, Blackamoor of course
Thy Husband, Thy husband!
Thy Thy Thy husband!
THE HANKERCHEIF
Thy husband
THE HANKERCHEIF
Goats and monkeys
Goats goats goats and monkeys

Of course while it doesn't look good on paper it sounds quite good. Opposed to other things that look good on paperbut sound horrible. Most noticably America's Economy, Chinese Space Stations and Cupcakes. But then again cupcakes look good on anything.

So yes...I will stop distracting you (hopefully) and will let you continue with your diligent study...


---------
And now here is one about the Calculus exam
---------

Calc Exam

Well that calc exam was a lot easier than I expected it to be. I might as go as far to hazard that it was weak as piss. And this is hydrated piss mind you, the piss that is coming out of a Hydrofillic activist trying to break the world record for most drinks skulled in an hour. The type of piss which you can leave unflushed in the toilet and noone will ever know.
But I digress.
There were only a couple of questions I could not understand opposed to the plethora of questions I could not understand in the 2001 paper. Seriously what was up with that paper? I just felt like commiting suicide but then I realised there was a Simpsons marathon on later that day and I was not going to miss out on watching reruns that i've already seen at least 10 times each BACK TO BACK!

So anyway, four tangents later and we're back on track. (yes I realise there are only two so far, three if you count this one.)
The one question that had me stumped was a two marker:
Explain why the two triangles are congruent.
Now knowing what congruent means thanks to the wonderful wonders of wikipedia I feel somewhat silly at having messed that question up.
"Of course!", I exclaimed to myself when first perusing the entry, "How could I have been so stupid?"
"Well", I answered myself in a brief lapse of knowing what the word 'rhetoric' meant, "It could stem from the lack of study, revision or practise that you chose not to complete concerning last year's geometry course outline"
"Shut up", I responded to myself, angry about this revelation
"No you shut up."
"Well...Your sister is stupid"
"....." thought myself, no longer certain who first instigated this argument. "But then wouldn't that mean that your sister is also stupid?"
"...Yeah...."
So leaving psychomachia to the proffesionals, like Medea or Peter Garrett, I pondered on what I had filled in for said question.

It went a little something like this:
Congruent? Congruent?....more like CONGAruent
*insert picture here of 5 people forming a line with mexican hats etc*
(8)Conga Conga CON-GA(8)


My mother, being a maths teacher, had the priveledge of taking home the Discrete paper for this year. Bored, I decided to flick through it to amuse myself. However I could not do most of the questions. Discarding the theory that this may be because of not learning and studying the course for a year, I immediantly spiraled into a black hole of depression and rage.
Everything lost its colour, noone was my friend. I adopted a combover and wore tight jeans and eyeliner. It was too much, it was too much. As I reached for the knife the world around me glazed over. Sound lost all meaning, everything smelled of angst and hatred instead of the normal teen spirit. However one frequency fought this darkness, one frequency prevailed. Unfortuantly it was 93.7 Megahertz which just made me want to kill myself even more. I glanced at the time "6:00"
Oh, the Simpson's Marathon is starting!
And with that my journey of self hate and discovery was over.


---------
And lastly one concerning the indonesian exam
---------

Indonesian Exam

Ah yes, the indonesian exam.
Not really caring how well, or rather how bad I did in this subject I hada field day filing out this paper.
I will take you on a magical journey through thyme and space as we visit the unvisited and generally laugh about life, the universe, and everything.

The first section of the paper was listening wherein everyone sitting the indonesian exam in WA, that is all 20 of us, listened to three people talk about stuff including, watching movies, their sick children and of course itineries for holidays.
Before I go further I would like to point out that this exam wasn't actually that hard, just tedious annoying and boring.
Anyway so the listening sections is split into the multi choice section and short answer. Down the side of this section there is always a little margin saying 'Space for notes'.
Me being me I immediantly disregard what the people are saying and fill in....and I mean completely fill in the little section with croqchets, quavers, ta's and titi's. While taking a break to choose the answers to the multichoice i thought "Hm....it is good, but is it good enough?"On my next section of 'Space for notes' I drew space. Because I could. It was of the Sun with Mercury Venus and the Earth orbiting it drawn from where Mars would've been. I also drew in a Y-Wing just to add to the mood.
However my Pun-O-Meter was still vaguely uninterested. I fixed this by drawing in a piece of paper with writing on it (a note) and a squashed bee (b-flat).
Feeling pride at what I accomplished I quickly realised that I had missed the last question:
What time do they arrive back at the hotel?
For the lack of anything better to say I simply replied 'Hammer Time'!

The next section was the reading section. The section wherein you skim read the passages and guess the answers. A couple of honourable mentions goes to my attempt to link laughing to a cure for AIDS and a description of the 'Filmstar's Girlfriend' as 'Currently dating a filmstar' I would have to admit that I am quite proud of a paticular answer.
The question was "Who is the most excited by their b'day"
Quickly ignoring the poor child needing supplies and the old man because he was old I immediantly choose the girl as she would "receive flowers" from her boyfriend. I then went to back up my argument by going into detail the thought process of a teenage girl. I detailed the hormone activity and the emotional aspect being far greater than ration thought (cross reference Anceint Greek drama, golden mean etc.)
With a blank page before the next section I thought I would have a little fun. At the bottom left I drew a little stick figure man playing on a saxaphone. You could see, if you looked closely enough, tiny little croqchets protuding him the end. Gradually as your eye moved to the right you saw the notes get bigger and bolder, lifting up towards the heavens and the edge of the page. This masterpiece that I had created lacked a name, but needed none. Simply subtitled "Music - The real universal Language" I moved on to the next section.

Ah yes, the letter writing. This one you had to write a letter in reply to a person in Indonesia. They asked you all the stuff that 17 year old Australian teenagers are meant to know; what time does school start? Is the beach fine? etc.... nauseating stuff.
So in replying to this letter I took on the persona of a home-schooled young boy living 5000km east of Coolgardie in a sort of cult. I detalied how i did not know such information due to my isolation from the rest of society as well as aserting multiple times that my favourite teacher is my mother as she is my only teacher. I then went on to say how I loved my mother and also how i also loved the 'leader', may he live long and prosper.
I also went to hint of the possible child punsihment occuring in my household as well as the apparent slavery my parents oversee. I also went into great depth into asking him 'why' he did not just Google these easily answered question. I closed my letter by saying I had to skin some rabbits.

The final section was the 'essay section' wherein we write an essay. I chose to forgo this trivial requirement and instead opted to write a short story.
I immediantly went for the dystopic fiction novel where our protaganist is fleeing from a city overrun by mind reading robot 'policemen'. A cross between The Handmaid's Tale and 1984 with its thought police. I wished to highlight the story of those that got out before the major oppresion started, to tell already dull genre from a fresh and new perspective. Unfortuantly all of this is rather hard to do in another language so what came out was a grammatically incorrect story of a man thinking about grass talking about robots.
It ended with 'she smiled'
I'ld like them to mark that conclusion

So yeah, thats my story. At the end of the exam I ripped out a large chunk of my hair and stuck it in the paper, encircling it and writing 'hair' next to it.


---------
Phew...hitting CTRL-C and CTRL-V is a lot of work, takes a lot out of you.
Seriously if you read all of that, I commend you. Nicely done.
If we meet I will give you a cookie, or a punch to the face.
YOU CAN CHOSE!

Elaborate

They say I should elaborate more.

Spam Emails

This one is from when I was meant to be studying for TEE in November last year. Needless to say my deep urge to procrastinate and waste time was not...wasted. But then if it wasn't wasted then I wasn't procrastinating meaning that when I wrote this I must of been studying...
*thinks for a few moments on this contridiction*
*brain implodes*

Anyway here y'all go.

While studying diligently for Applic I was excited to realise that I had received a new email. This one is from Rachel Cunningham none the less. Haven't heard of her? Well neither had I. Her email is listed below.

> From: cunningham.marketing@gmail.com
>To: *insert email addresses here that I will not give out to the internet at large*
> Subject: A Referral from Rachel Cunningham
> Date: Tue, 11 Nov 2008 03:33:49 -0600
>
> Dear friend
>
>
>
> My name is Rachel Cunningham, and I am writing you
> this email from my home-office here in New York.
> The reason for this email is that you and I share
> something in common...
>
> At some point in our lives we contemplated or
> tried to start a home business. Don't worry; I'm
> not trying to sell you anything. I just want to
> ask you a simple question.
>
> If I helped you start a part-time business from
> your home and in two years you retired... would> you send me a Thank You card?
>
> If your answer is "Yes" then go to on this link
> below and I will send out some information to you
> right away. If your answer is "no" please delete
> this email because I will not be contacting you
> again.
>
> http://rachelcunninghambiz.homeftp.net/
>
> Thank you so much for your time.
>
> I hope you will at least take a look.
>
>
>
> Rachel Cunningham
> Cunningham Marketing CEO


----------
Apparently Rachel wishes to know whether I would "send [her] a Thank you card" if I she helped me in starting up a small buisness. Enticed by the offer I quickly replied to her.
-----------


Thankyou Rachel for this enticing offer.

Most certainly I would send you a thankyou card if you helped me start up a small home buisness. Just think of all the wonderous opportunities that would present themselves to me and my family.
As I myself hide beneath the onset that is old age I begin to question my motives in my day to day life. What will I be remembered for? Will my legacy live on? Should I have ordered that second kebab?

Unfortunately my current circumstances do not permit to any drastic changes. Working four part time jobs and struggling to pay the mortgage has forced me to pawn most of my possessions in favour of necessities such as food, water and clothes.

Having also pawned off my computer and internet to useful strangers I am doubtful as to whether or not my 'office' will be of much use to starting up a small buisness.

However thankyou for your kind email and proposition. I will kindly look further into this request after my current plan pays off. Apparently the Royal King Of Nigeria is in debt and any money donated towards his country will be returned to me threefold! Maybe im just a sucker for the starving.

Yours Truely

-----------
And thats what I do when I am bored. I'll tell y'all if she replies to me or anything.
-----------


And so far, she hasn't. I wonder why? Maybe its my irresistable charm that is keeping her from plucking up the courage of replying to my heartfelt reply....nah.
But I'm going to head off now and eat me some breakfast.
BRING ON THE FISH...which I don't like....or do I?

Stalking

Hello everyone....again...some 10 minutes after I posted my first blog.
Here is another 'blog' that I completed sometime last year on the very serious topic of stalking. And believe me... there is nothing funny about stalking.


*snigger*

Anywho without further ado:

I am here to tell you all about the scary world of stalkers.
Unbeknowest to many and beknowest to a select few you, dear readers, are not safe.
They are everywhere. Watching you, absorbing little snippets of information and you, dear reader, are making their job so much more easier.
You and your need for networking puts your entire identity at peril. Your life is on the line when you sign up to sites such as Facebook or Myspace, or if you just log onto MSN.
It's an evil world out there and to demonstrate how easy it is to be stalked I will do some stalking of my own.

My victim, Ben.
I will start with MSN. Already we know that his full name is Benjamin and he is privy to many inside jokes; those being B1 and the fact that he "share[s] [his] asparagus". While these snippets of information may seem insubstantial to many they are actually a gold mine for information. Casual MSN "friends" of Ben may use these "inside jokes" to get closer to the victim. By casually dropping down the fact that this Banana Man shares his asparagus in a sexual ineundo to his friends they can succesfully infiltrate the inner circle by passing of second hand knowledge.
Also as Ben has set his personal message to show what he is playing, the stalker, in this case me, can gain knowledge regarding Ben's musical tastes.

For instance:
10:46am - Rip it up - Jet
10:47am - Candy Coloured Lights - Rogue Traders
10:47am - This is the new *expletive*(anagram of this) - Marylin Manson
10:49am - My Immortal - Evanescence
10:54am - Brown Eyed Girl - Greenday
10:57am - New Kid - Chaos Theory
11:02am - Come With Me - P. Diddy
11:07am - Zebra - John Butler Trio
11:11am - Total Eclipse of the Heart - Bonnie Tyler
11:19am - Mortal Kombat - Rahzel

Just from this short half hour I have learnt about Ben's Musical Tastes. He does not like Candy Coloured Lights by the Rogue Traders rather opting for the songs that confirm my suspicions of him being a Gay Robot.

MSN however is just the tip of the iceberg. With sites such as Facebook I can successfully learn about Ben's inner workings. Just by skimming over his Status' I learn numerous things.
I learn that as of 23 hours ago Ben is feeling slighty depressed. And that as of December the Third there is 93 days to go until something happens. Also on the Third I learn that Ben is hoping a team called the "Planeteers" will "notch up a victory".
A few more clicks reveals that this is actually a mixed netball team in which Ben is a member. They play every Wednesday night.
Scrolling down even more we realise that Ben is counting down to Kings of Leon further giving me, as a stalker, inside information in his music taste.
I can also browse through Ben's photos, learning what he looks like as well as his friends. What occasions he has been celebrating recently. I can also view which School he attended as well as his birthday among other things.

However while Facebook is rather revealing of Ben's character it is Myspace which is the goldmine. Luckly for me, as a stalker, Ben routinley fills out numerous quizzes that can easily be read by any of his "friends".
These quizzes provide ample oppertuntity for stalkage.
We may learn, if bothered to read them, that Ben has never kissed a "blond haired, blue eyed person" and as such can safely assume he does not support Hitler's regeime. Also we learn important information like Ben ate Toast and drank OJ for breakfast today. We also learn he has four pets as well as the fact he last went to a Chinese resteraunt.
These snippets of information, while seemingly innocent may be pieced together by a mastermind stalker (such as myself) to come to the conclusion that Ben is working tomorrow from 9-5.
However while Ben does give away important information he is also aware of his stalkers. Hoping to deter them by placing sublimnal hints in his bulletin such as "HI JEREMY" a better response would be to not fill them out at all.

For why do humans fill out bulletins? Is it to vent their angst and showcase their otherwise shy voice? Is it merely a timefiller, one we partake in much like soccer or counting to 100 in prime numbers?
I believe it comes deep down from human nature. We wish to be heard and as such we fill in meaningless quizzes hinting that there might be a "special someone" desperatly hoping that it might change something, anything, from our day to day repitious life.

So to sum up this somewhat tedious and not very funny note.
MSN, Myspace and Facebook are gold for stalkers.
Noone reads your enormous quizzes besides the people that like to go over everything and scrutinise your spilling or might even grammer.
And stalking is really really REALLY easy.
Y'all should try it.
Peace out.

And so it begins...

Hello all the way from my chair wherein I am still wearing my pajamas... I love technology.
So basically I am just going to dump all my other 'blogs' here that I wrote before finally deciding to approach the dark side of interaction, that is Blogging, mainly because of their brilliant Dental Plan as well as their wide range of assorted goods. Please be aware that most of the following 'blogs' will more than likely be out of chronological order but I don't really think that is going to make a difference because my continuity of events from one 'blog' to another is much like a fish. And I hate fish.
But enough of me gabbling on about nothing, I am going to:
COMMENCE DUMP
... and go and eat some fish. Mmmmm....fish *drool*
Confused? You better get used to it. LETS GO:

Before I start this *dump* I would like to point out that this all started because of Facebook. As it was Christmas Eve, numerous Facebook 'friends' had changed their status to "It was the night before christmas" etc. Growing bored of the repitious nature of the repititous status that was repititous, I spent the next half hour writing the first thing that came to my head in reply to this user's status. Their reply: Wow

Anywho....I'm going to go ahead and actually *dump* this thing now.



Twas the night before christmas and all through the house
not a creature was stirring not even a mouse.
The mouse's name was Chris
Though I don't know where I am going with this.

Then with a jingle and a shingle
A man made of Tingles ran into the house that night
He said "Ho what a shamble!"And other such rambles
and gave Chris the most awful fright.

The mouse gave a start! "You startled my heart!
I don't think I'll live by tomorrow"
But the man made of Tingles just jumped up and dingled
"Relieve your mind of such sorrows"


So the mouse named Chris and Mr Mysterious
opened a bottle of wine
They drank to their health and pleasure and wealth.
Eating some food so fine

After a while the man made of Tingles
looked at his watch and yelled
"If I don’t go soon, I’ll miss my balloon
And my hair still isn't gelled

So Chris gave him a hand, or maybe a Paw
and helped to sort out the stranger.
He gelled up his hair as they climbed up the stair
Walking past the kid in the manger

But the Man made of tingles stopped to a halt
and said "My, that’s what I’ve forgotten
It’s not about gifts or cool guitar riffs
My mind has completely gone rotten!"

"No it’s about the love, along with the doves
And the birth of the new born king"
And Chris just stared while stroking his hair:
"I think this is the part where we sing"

So everyone gathered together that night
With Chris and the Strange sweet man
They sang hymns and tunes underneath the full moon
Loving eachother like fans.

Then a bloodcurdling howl rang out that night
For it was the night of a full moon
Yes the werewolves were coming, they were a coming
A full werewolf platoon

So Chris yelled "Flee, run without glee"
For the werewolves are a fickle bunch
With their teeth a gleaming and their fur a streaming
The werewolves began to munch

Shortly thereafter the vampires came
Coming out of the night
Real vampires mind you, not those who
Are from Twilight, these give you a fright.


The werewolves and vampires soon worked together
And quickly ate all the humans
But unfortunately for them, they got condemned
By the angelic voice of G. Numan.

Numan flew in, In from his jet
The jet which he owned of course
He jumped out the side and fell on his ride
Gary Numan sat on his horse.

The vampires swooped while the werewolves pounced
But Gary Numan had a plan
He waited, he reckoned, till the last second
And opened up whoop ass from a can

The sight was terrific, the smell was horrific
As vampires and werewolves alike
Exploded to rags, Numan got some frags
And dismounted from his horse, Mike

Then the man made of tingles gave a quick fingle
“That was AMAZING!” He yelled
This startled the mouse who was still trying to douse
The fire that was set on his tail

Then all went silent throughout the night.
Nary did a cricket chirp
All eyes turned to the Mouse and Mr Mysterious
Chris gave a nervous burp.

“THAT MOUSE CAN TALK!” shouted Mr Pork
The mob turned slightly crazy
“AND THAT MAN’S MADE OF TINGLES!” yelled Mr Gringle
They charged them, crushing the Daisies

"This is where we flee", said Tingle with glee
And with that jumped in his balloon
The mouse looked with despair then grabbed on his Hair
Not a moment too soon.

The Mouse laughed with joy “What a marvelous ploy”
As they left the mayhem behind.
They rose in the air, without a care
And the Tingle man smiled so kind

He said “Now I have to go, Have a long way to flow”
And the mouse looked mighty sad
Tingle said “Do not despair for you really care
Your heart is really glad

So the man made of tingles ran with a dingle
And dropped the mouse back in his house
He said “always remember, mind your temper
And be nice, that’s what it’s about”

So the mouse stared at the retreating man
Dissolving into the night
He wondered who he was, mainly because
He had given Chris the most awful fright.

“But no” he mused “I won’t peruse,
It won’t do me good to know
Who Tingle man was and why he liked doves”
While he dreamt he heard ‘Ho Ho Ho’

But this improvisation has to come to an end
Wow, look how much i have written
For I have to go to dinner, with the rellies and such
And eat turkey and pork and small kittens

The End