Something Constructive

Stopping for a moment and realising I have done nothing constructive for the past 5 days I start to jot down notes on the computer.

Contemplating what to write I opt for a more New Caledonian approach to the sport, starting with the vowels and fleshing the words out added consonants. I quickly discard this approach like a soulless individual casting aside the first baby of spring opting for a more sane approach.

After some experimentation I decide on the Jeremy School of Typing which quickly succumbs down to “AHHHH! AHHHHHH! I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING! KILL IT WITH FIRE!”

Lighting my bubble pipe I hastily set to work.

It was the morning before last when the shade did visit our hero. While watching the latest episode of “I’m a Wisdom Tooth, get me out of here” our protagonist proceeded to hear an unusual sound.

“What is that unusual sound?”, exclaimed our protagonist. “Why! I am going to do something about it!”

And with that our protagonist got up and walked over to the kitchen.

“Grumble grumble,” he grumbled under his voice, “One of these days I am going to do something about those grumble grumbles."

All the while he was grumbling a lost and lonely shade was flickering nearby. Sad and confused it called out for help.

“Help me!” Pleaded the lost and lonely shade, “I am a lost and lonely shade who is also sad and confused! I have been separated from my shade parents and wish to be reunited with them before too long.”

Unfortunately for the shade our protagonist was not proficient in shadeish and as such all he could interpret was a faint high pitched buzzing sound.

“Dang mosquitoes,” He complained, “Why, one of these days I am going to grumble grumble…”

The shade, not understanding a single word of protaganistish mistook our hero’s grumbles and complaints as a source of comfort and warmth and approached the hero asking for guidance. Our hero upon witnessing such a creature materialise in front of him was shocked. Automatically reaching for his sword he exclaimed, “I am shocked!”

Swinging wildly at the alien creature our protagonist quickly makes short work of his kitchen. Dodging left and right the shade exclaimed in a high pitch shrill “I do not understand how this will help me find my mother and father shades but I am willing to go along with it because you are a nice person.”

Our protagonist raised his sword for a mighty stroke through the heart of the shade when he noticed a low rumbling.

A low grumbling. The forks in the drawer began to jangle as the cups in the cupboard started to dangle. The mugs and the jugs, as well as the pugs all were jinkled and pinkled and totally dinkled. Not a single piece of kitchen survived this disaster, but it is nothing compared to what happened straight after.

The hero foolishly stood there with sword raised high as the shade cowered in fright with the end so nigh.

His sword in the air, the moment so rare, he was to kill the shade with nary a care when suddenly with a feedle and a geedle along with a yeedle all the windows and doors were away with a weedle. A dragon loomed over the torn off roof billowing smoke from nostrils aloof, the hero and shade reached a decision that day to work together, keep the dragon at bay.

Unfortunately they were fighting a dragon. And well, dragons have claws and can kinda shoot fire from their mouths so really, didn’t stand much of a chance.

I mean sure, the hero did have a sword in his hand at the time but the dragon is basically a living weapon with more dangerous weapons than a sword that is kept on its bodice at all the time really.

I am not sure what the shade could do, I didn’t really expand upon its powers in this short narrative but I am sure it dies to fire much like the rest of us and as such doesn’t/didn’t have much a chance against the gargantuan lizard.

Just putting it out there, just saying.

Oh yeah, epilogue:

"Yo Jim! You want any Pan cows?"

"No thanks Gary, I just finished a whole house today and boy am I stuffed!"

Never said it was going to be good...