Short Story

Some of my more astute viewers might remember a story I posted late last year regarding an onion, chemistry and a Little Black Shirted Man.
Well the Fruvivor competition this year was pretty much the same so here is a totally original STORY!
Enjoy!





As one sweeps the universe for all its mysteries one often forgets to notice the little oddities that lie close to home. From the Pistol Shrimp’s unique way of stunning fish to the Cordyceps fungus’ fascinating way of population control there are so many oddities that we glance over simply because they have become the norm. Perhaps the most interesting oddity that we have grown to forget, one that is more interesting than the Pistol Shrimp, more fascinating than the Cordyceps fungus and more odd than a metamorphous of a caterpillar is a small group of dedicated people who have devoted their lives to remind the world of the loss it has sustained. Through them, the world may relive the essence of joy, the power of knowledge and the friendly smile that united nations. Through them, the world may remember Tyler.



Our story takes place at the First Church Of Tyler, located on a hill by the river. It is a grand place indeed, with pillars that reach up to the sky and the walls adorned with paintings of Tyler. It reminds the world of what it has lost.

“And so,” Droned LBSM sporting a Little Black Clerical Outfit, “We must live each day as Tyler intended. We must grasp all possibilities and make them our own. We must be as Tyler was, loving caring and above all logical. And I hear you wonder, ‘But how can we be as Tyler was? How can we be that perfect?’ well do not worry. We can never be as Tyler truly was, only a pale shadow compared to him. He does not expect us to be as him, only that we continue on his legacy. Go in peace brethren.”

“And shall Tyler light the way.” Responded the congregation as one.

“That was an excellent sermon you gave,” said Sammy as the congregation moved out onto the lawn.

“Thankyou Brother Sammy, I felt Tyler’s spirits run through me today.”

“So you still feel him then?” Questioned Sammy, “It’s just that lately I have not been feeling the spirit of Tyler as I once did, I just wonder if it is possible if you were able to-”

“Now Sammy,” interrupted LBSM, “We both know the Great Tyler doeth move in mysterious ways.”

“But I just feel that my passion is fading, my mind has been slipping. Wouldn’t it be possible for you to just give me-”

“No, I am afraid not. Now if you excuse me I have to attend to the books.”



Somewhat disappointed Good Sammy left the alter and stumbled outside into the light wondering what had become of himself and his faith. He had once been a devotee of Tyler, one of his firsts. He did as Tyler did and ate what Tyler ate. He was the model devotee, a shining example but then the incident occurred… they never did find the body.

“Hey Sammy!” Interrupted Kayla as he stumbled by, “How you going?”

“Yeah alright I guess,” responded Sammy despondently, “It’s just that-”

“That’s awesome! Look, what do you think of this necklace Raph bought me? I think it is so brilliant, it matches my eyes and it sparkles if you hold it just right.”

Sammy let Kayla’s words wash over him as he took in his surroundings, the sun was up but there were a few storm clouds on the horizon. The reflection of the lake caught Sammy’s eye as English Sam juggled a ball expertly from foot to foot. His windswept hair and glistening muscles complimented his figure. Sammy scowled. He should not let such thoughts enter his mind. It was against everything that Tyler stood for but even so- He became aware of a buzzing sound entering his unconscious.

“Hello? HELLO?” said Kayla eventually breaking through. “I said what do you think?”

“Oh yeah,” responded Sammy, “Yeah, it’s good.”

“Cool, look Raph and I were going to go and see this hilarious new romantic comedy and then he said he would take me paddle boating and everything! Can you believe it? Oh look, Here he comes now! Squeal! Look I’ll catch up with you later. Bye!”

Sam had never heard anyone pronounce the word ‘squeal’ before. He filed it away as an oddity only Kayla could reproduce.



He wandered on following his subconscious to the lake.

“HEADS!” came the shout as a soccer ball careened out of nowhere and knocked Sammy to the floor.

“Sorry about that Sammy,” puffed English as he extended his hand, “You really should look where you are going.”

“ I know,” said Sammy as he took English’s hand, “I’ve just had a lot-” What was this feeling? Like electricity almost. He never had noticed it until now. Never thought about it until now. Never realised that until now…

“You’ve just had a lot?” Questioned English, somewhat perturbed by the sudden silence fallen over Sammy. “You’ve been drinking again?”

“What? Oh no! No, I’ve just had a lot on my mind. A lot on my mind”

The silence stretched out again, reaching into the dark depths of time and blocking all surrounding noises as it recklessly freefalled into oblivion. Then, like a match suddenly being struck in a dark cave English’s voice flashed out.

“You can let go now.”

“I’m sorry?” Replied Sammy.

“You can let go of my hand now.”

“Oh yes! Um… sorry about that. Don’t know what came over me.” Replied Sammy, flustered by this experience.

“Look, are you ok?,” Asked English, “Because you do seem a little pale.”

“Yeah, it is just that I haven’t been feeling Tyler lately and… I don’t know.”

“Well… do you want to talk about it?”

“Huh?”

“I said, do you want to talk about it?”

“Well it’s just that. Life isn’t fair is it? I mean, why did Tyler have to leave us? After all he did for us why did he have to go?

“You were close to him weren’t you?” Interjected English.

“I was one of his chosen few, I took in everything he said and studied all his teachings and then he just vanishes! After ending poverty and discovering clean fuel he just ups and leaves. He had to go and die before even saying goodbye to me! To his closest devotee.”

“They never did find the body did they?”

“He could unite the nations with his smile but he couldn’t stop the darkness that dwells in the hearts of men, try as he might.”

“I had a hard time too but I got through with a little help from my friends. Tyler would have wanted us to continue his great message not wallow in self pity. You of all people should know that.” English flashed Sammy an encouraging smile.

Sammy smiled back. “You’re right, you always are. Come on, lets play some ball.”





They played for hours that day. And while Sammy tried to put it out of his mind he could not help noticing the sweat whipping off English’s shirt as he bounced the ball. The skill with his feet as he dribbled it around and all the while English’s charming face, shining through. Placing a beacon of hope and kindness on an otherwise drab day. Never before had Sammy felt such feelings of nervousness mixed with joy. Whenever their eyes crossed he could not help it but to grin and feel slightly embarrassed. Perhaps, just for those few short hours, Sammy finally forgot and lived in the present.

“Hey English!” he shouted as he passed the ball back somewhat shocked by the words coming out of his mouth.

“Yeah?”

“I just want to say that you are a true friend.”

“Thanks man.”

“Wait there’s more…” he hesitated, “ I have always admired you and that I shouldn’t try to deny my feelings anymore and so I just want to say-“

Sammy looked at English, their eyes met and for a moment, the world stop. The ball bounced harmlessly down the hill as English replied as soft as a breath of air “I know.”



The rain came thundering down from the skies as Sammy and English locked gazes. They stood there for what felt like hours just savouring the moment. Savouring this feeling.

“We should,” interrupted English breaking the spell, “We should probably get out of the rain.”

Looking around they noticed their surroundings for what seemed the first time in ages, it was nearing the night time and all the Tyler Worshippers had already left for home.

“Quick! Back to the church!” Shouted Sammy, “It should still be open.”

Sammy and English rushed to the great double doors of the church. Each of them grabbing a handle they pulled with all their might finally falling to the floor of the church.

“Man, I am completely soaked,” Panted English as he got to his knees. The discerning faces of Tyler surrounded them, discerning them.

“You’re going to catch a cold with all those wet clothes on,” whispered Sammy as he got off the floor, “That wouldn’t be good at all.”

English shivered as Sammy reached to unbutton his shirt. He always had lusted after Sammy, just that he never dreamed this would actually happen. He noticed the lean body of Sammy bent over him through the now translucent wet shirt. His hands shaking he reached up and started unbuttoning Sammy.

“You big dummy,” English whispered as his breath condensed on Sammy’s neck. “You’re going to get a cold too if you leave your shirt on.”

Sammy let out a moan as English touched his chest. “Your hands are so cold.” Sammy said.

“Well lets warm them up them.” English replied.

Slipping off his own shirt English tentatively removed Sammy’s. Their bodies glistening in the dim light of the church. Droplets of water shining off their bodies, sweat intertwining with rain.

Sammy reached up and stroked English’s hair.

“Come on, I’m ready.”

Lightning struck, thunder rolled. The light’s of the church were activated to reveal a startled LBSM at the top of the stairs.

Sammy let out a startled scream. “LBSM! Look! I can explain! It’s not what it looks like!”

LBSM let out a knowing smile, “It’s ok Brother Sammy.”

“It just started raining and we came inside here and then we were worried about catching a cold so we-”

“I said it is ok Brother Sammy.”

“I just wanted to please Tyler all alo- Wait… you are ok with this?”

“Why of course I am,” Replied LBSM, “If this is what you truly want then I am sure Tyler will be understanding.”

“I’m not going against Tyler by following my heart?”

“Of course not Brother Sammy, You do not love Tyler any less because you also love another man. Why I remember my first time with Lionel and Jim…”

Sammy felt English’s hand on his shoulder as LBSM recounted his story. “Everything has turned out all right then has it? Do you now understand what Tyler had in store for you?”

“I think, I think I do. Thankyou Sam.” Said Sammy.

“Hey that’s what friends are for.”

“And then there was this other time with Raph, boy that was brilliant.”

“I hate to interrupt but if there any place we could get some rest?” Inquired Sammy.

“Oh yes! So sorry, there is a special room out back that I keep stocked for special occasions like this. Just down the hall and on the right.”



Another happy ending, mused LBSM as he moved the alter to reveal a secret passage. Descending the stairs he smiled as he removed his Little Black Clerical Outfit and revealed a Little Black Skin Tight Outfit.

He passed a hall adorned with Tyler’s pictures and by the monitors showing Sammy and English comforting each other. He absentmindedly picked up a whip while he mused life’s oddities.

Isn’t it an oddity, he thought, that they never did find Tyler’s body.

He opened a locked door to expose a dejected human chained to the wall. At a certain angle you might have reflected that this person might have been quite handsome some time in the past. You might also have commented that his smile might have bought the nations together.

“Now,” Said LBSM, “Where were we?”