This exchange is between myself and my Year 12 Physics teacher after final exams were over and we were on holiday.
I thought it was quite Highlarious.
________________________________________
Subject: Physics
Date: Sun, 23 Nov 2008 07:56:01 +0900
I've been going over STAWA just for the hell of it and I have come across a question that I cannot do. This has left me feeling depressed and insecure, questioning my worth as a human being.
Does this mean I failed the TEE? Will I get a good job to sustain my family? Will I get a family? What can I do regarding this body odour?
All these questions flooded my mind at once, crowding the space which I normally use for formulating tatics and combos In Final Fantasy. Needless to say, this worried me even more. With that part of my brain out of commision my gameplay suffered immensly. No longer could I micromanage. No longer could I set up a organised rush against the enemy base. No longer could I decide when to have lunch and where.
Malnutrition hit me hard. Not because I thought I was fat but because I couldn't decide what to eat. The consequences were dire. Spiraling into a vicious cycle wherein there was no energy supply to my brain therefore the question became even harde to solve due to my weakened state and thus less energy was supplied. I went into convulsions, halucinating about Tetris and Pacman and in my state of craziness I devised a completely new game entitled "Tetman" where you are a Tetrimo moving around a maze by spinning, collecting pellets.
But I digress.
So in order to break me out of this cycle I need your help.
The physics question is:
A generator coil contains 200 turns and is 30 mm in diameter. It experienced a uniform density change of 0.5 T in 10 s. Calculate the average induced EMF in the coil.
On a completely unrelated note, I tried reading the entirety of Lord of the Rings, yesterday, in one sitting. I got up to page 56 before I got tired.
I need to train more. Oh wait, I have a Wii Fit now so I can be insulted and called a couch potato in one session then a muscle legend in another.
So yeah,
Hope you're having fun writing reports and whatnot
~Summer Glau
Subject: RE: Physics
Date: Mon, 24 Nov 2008 19:06:57 +0900
Hi Jeremy,
After reading your "question" I have become convinced that although I gave you an "A", perhaps I failed to teach you some of the more important things in life...such as GET OUT MORE OFTEN!
Why, oh why are you studying electromagnetism.....anyway the answer ...
A generator coil contains 200 turns and is 30 mm in diameter. It experienced a uniform density change of 0.5 T in 10 s. Calculate the average induced EMF in the coil.
EMF =change in flux / time
= (0.5 x pi (0.015^2))x200/10
= 0.007 V
= 7mV
(I hope this is correct!)
Have fun,
Mr D
______________________________________________
Subject: RE: Physics
Date: Mon, 24 Nov 2008 19:17:57 +0900
Cause you said....you said.
That if we asked you a physics question during Leavers you would be impressed.
So I was merely complying to your advice.
....it is leavers now is it? I don't know.
Anywho I'm off anyway.
Places to go, people to kill
___________________________________________________
Subject: RE: Physics
Date: Mon, 24 Nov 2008 21:04:04 +0900
hmmm....yes I do seem to recall saying that.
And, unfortunately, I am not as impressed as I thought I would be.
Oh well.
I have just finished my reports, so I can now go out to play!
Wait. Go out to play?
What are you talking about? Or are you going to take your laptop to the beach?
Anyway, enough of that.
I think I might give my keyboard a clean
Showing posts with label Random Spam. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Random Spam. Show all posts
Friday, March 25, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Something Constructive
Stopping for a moment and realising I have done nothing constructive for the past 5 days I start to jot down notes on the computer.
Contemplating what to write I opt for a more New Caledonian approach to the sport, starting with the vowels and fleshing the words out added consonants. I quickly discard this approach like a soulless individual casting aside the first baby of spring opting for a more sane approach.
After some experimentation I decide on the Jeremy School of Typing which quickly succumbs down to “AHHHH! AHHHHHH! I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING! KILL IT WITH FIRE!”
Lighting my bubble pipe I hastily set to work.
It was the morning before last when the shade did visit our hero. While watching the latest episode of “I’m a Wisdom Tooth, get me out of here” our protagonist proceeded to hear an unusual sound.
“What is that unusual sound?”, exclaimed our protagonist. “Why! I am going to do something about it!”
And with that our protagonist got up and walked over to the kitchen.
“Grumble grumble,” he grumbled under his voice, “One of these days I am going to do something about those grumble grumbles."
All the while he was grumbling a lost and lonely shade was flickering nearby. Sad and confused it called out for help.
“Help me!” Pleaded the lost and lonely shade, “I am a lost and lonely shade who is also sad and confused! I have been separated from my shade parents and wish to be reunited with them before too long.”
Unfortunately for the shade our protagonist was not proficient in shadeish and as such all he could interpret was a faint high pitched buzzing sound.
“Dang mosquitoes,” He complained, “Why, one of these days I am going to grumble grumble…”
The shade, not understanding a single word of protaganistish mistook our hero’s grumbles and complaints as a source of comfort and warmth and approached the hero asking for guidance. Our hero upon witnessing such a creature materialise in front of him was shocked. Automatically reaching for his sword he exclaimed, “I am shocked!”
Swinging wildly at the alien creature our protagonist quickly makes short work of his kitchen. Dodging left and right the shade exclaimed in a high pitch shrill “I do not understand how this will help me find my mother and father shades but I am willing to go along with it because you are a nice person.”
Our protagonist raised his sword for a mighty stroke through the heart of the shade when he noticed a low rumbling.
A low grumbling. The forks in the drawer began to jangle as the cups in the cupboard started to dangle. The mugs and the jugs, as well as the pugs all were jinkled and pinkled and totally dinkled. Not a single piece of kitchen survived this disaster, but it is nothing compared to what happened straight after.
The hero foolishly stood there with sword raised high as the shade cowered in fright with the end so nigh.
His sword in the air, the moment so rare, he was to kill the shade with nary a care when suddenly with a feedle and a geedle along with a yeedle all the windows and doors were away with a weedle. A dragon loomed over the torn off roof billowing smoke from nostrils aloof, the hero and shade reached a decision that day to work together, keep the dragon at bay.
Unfortunately they were fighting a dragon. And well, dragons have claws and can kinda shoot fire from their mouths so really, didn’t stand much of a chance.
I mean sure, the hero did have a sword in his hand at the time but the dragon is basically a living weapon with more dangerous weapons than a sword that is kept on its bodice at all the time really.
I am not sure what the shade could do, I didn’t really expand upon its powers in this short narrative but I am sure it dies to fire much like the rest of us and as such doesn’t/didn’t have much a chance against the gargantuan lizard.
Just putting it out there, just saying.
Oh yeah, epilogue:
"Yo Jim! You want any Pan cows?"
"No thanks Gary, I just finished a whole house today and boy am I stuffed!"
Never said it was going to be good...
Thursday, December 16, 2010
And so it begins.
In an effort to stop me going insane I have compiled all my aspirations into a small metaphorical ball to present to you in daily form my recent going ons. This outlet will prove useful when I decide to become a criminal mastermind and need to air my grievances of the world as well as goad my inevitable arch nemesis.
"But wait!" I hear you cry due to the small camera I have placed in your room, "Isn't that the whole point of a blog? Haven't you been doing this all along anyway."
Oh hahahahahaha! I reply in a jolly fashion. Don't be so naive child, have you not read my previous entries and if not then why are you complaining about the change of direction this blog is changing if you have not invested any interest into it already?
You really are shallow and immature. Shame on you.
So while straightening my tie and feeling smugly superior I carry on.
With my parents in Singapore and my sister somewhere in America, I have acquired the house all to myself for the next few weeks. Already, after 12 long hours in solitude I have started to notice some side effects to my isolation. The fourth finger on my right hand has swollen up a tiny bit and my apathy has increased marginally by a factor of 2%. I put both of these symptoms down to the lack of communication with the outside world, leaving me in a very much 'out of the loop' state of mind.
Without other human beings around me to try to spark up conversations I have grown weary of the day to day musings of life as life itself has no meaning. What is the point of my pitiful existence if it has no impact on the outside world? And how am I possibly going to measure my worth as a human being if I cannot interact with the outside world to determine my overall impact.
As such even musing about the meaningless of life has no meaning as I have no way to verify my claim that life is meaningless.
They say the first 12 hours is the hardest. Personally I would like to meet this 'they'. They have said a lot of things in the past which I have not been happy about, often with no references or data. This group of people who call themselves 'they' should be more closely monitored as they could spark up civil interest and unrest according to this latest study that I read somewhere.
Being out of the loop is an unnatural feeling. Has a war started in Korea yet? Have we discovered a new source of fuel to quiet the masses? What has happened to Oprah?
OH TELL ME WHAT OPRAH DID!? LIKE! WHAT DID SHE EAT FOR LUNCH!? I NEED TO KNOW!
So anyway, 12 hours down of my self inflicted solitude and only 350 odd left to go.
"But wait!" I hear you cry due to the small camera I have placed in your room, "Isn't that the whole point of a blog? Haven't you been doing this all along anyway."
Oh hahahahahaha! I reply in a jolly fashion. Don't be so naive child, have you not read my previous entries and if not then why are you complaining about the change of direction this blog is changing if you have not invested any interest into it already?
You really are shallow and immature. Shame on you.
So while straightening my tie and feeling smugly superior I carry on.
With my parents in Singapore and my sister somewhere in America, I have acquired the house all to myself for the next few weeks. Already, after 12 long hours in solitude I have started to notice some side effects to my isolation. The fourth finger on my right hand has swollen up a tiny bit and my apathy has increased marginally by a factor of 2%. I put both of these symptoms down to the lack of communication with the outside world, leaving me in a very much 'out of the loop' state of mind.
Without other human beings around me to try to spark up conversations I have grown weary of the day to day musings of life as life itself has no meaning. What is the point of my pitiful existence if it has no impact on the outside world? And how am I possibly going to measure my worth as a human being if I cannot interact with the outside world to determine my overall impact.
As such even musing about the meaningless of life has no meaning as I have no way to verify my claim that life is meaningless.
They say the first 12 hours is the hardest. Personally I would like to meet this 'they'. They have said a lot of things in the past which I have not been happy about, often with no references or data. This group of people who call themselves 'they' should be more closely monitored as they could spark up civil interest and unrest according to this latest study that I read somewhere.
Being out of the loop is an unnatural feeling. Has a war started in Korea yet? Have we discovered a new source of fuel to quiet the masses? What has happened to Oprah?
OH TELL ME WHAT OPRAH DID!? LIKE! WHAT DID SHE EAT FOR LUNCH!? I NEED TO KNOW!
So anyway, 12 hours down of my self inflicted solitude and only 350 odd left to go.
Monday, December 6, 2010
The Lonesome Knight!
The knight was young for the straggle moose
Not a day over thirty five
So I wonder why it let him loose
Why it let the brave knight survive?
Some speculate that the moon did help
The rather dashing young man
By raising the tides and sending in kelp
To distract the moose while he ran
Others say the moose took pity
Of the knight, all bound up tight
For it did snatch him from the city
And let me tell you it was quite a sight
There the knight was playing poker
With his horse along as well
He was out of chips, bet his super soaker
With a kidney he could sell.
The cards were flopped the hands were queried
His opponent raised some Sauce
Reluctantly the knight quite wearied
Offered up his horse
But his horse said “Neigh!” and cantered off
Leaving the knight alone
The cards were shown, he was at a loss
He admitted he got pwned.
His opponent then, unsheaving a knife
Demanded the other kidney
The knight objected “I need that for life!
Of your presence you shall rid me!”
A brawl was started, the knight but one
The others had a plenty
With their numbers they did overcome
One knight is no match for twenty
Broken and maimed the knight hobbled out
Into the bustling city
He hit a cart, stepped on a lout
The resulting case was not pretty
Alas the knight was overcome
By the lout and his friends they
Did pummel the knight who was but one
The thugs were a plenty
The knight was setting a course for home
when he did trip over his son
He helped him up, “Why you’re all alone”
Then he saw what the son had done
His arms were slashed, his liver missing
The son did rise “from the east
They came with swords and snakes a hissing
They said they needed a feast”
The knight rose up while his son sat down
The situation was bad he deduced
The last thing he saw before blacking out with a frown
Were the horns of a lone straggle moose.
Thus ends the tale of the Lonesome Knight
Even though there are some loose ends
The bad guys were captured their wounds were healed
And Everybody made amends
Except for the straggle moose
It is of course on the loose
Hunting down maidens
Playing some raiden
Playing some raiden
Which is quite a feat if you have hoofs.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Two Peanuts
Breaking his 2 month long silence our Author pauses and deliberates what to write about next.
Pen poised and mind at the ready he slowly inches his way over to the lever of inspiration which he must pry free with the stick of hard work unleashing it from the cruel harsh grips of laziness.
And thus he writes:
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
Bobby was not your ordinary peanut, oh no. Bobby was what you would refer to as a special nut.
You see Bobby was different from all the other peanuts. While the other peanuts would play their special peanut games with each other Bobby would be excluded and shunned from the group.
It barely bothered Bobby, or at least that is what he told himself. It gave him more time to himself, it gave him more time to think.
Bobby liked to think.
"A bright lad, bright lad", Mr Hersworth, Bobby's algebra teacher would say of Bobby while puffing on his pipe, "A tad bit quiet though, and a little bit...special".
"Oh yes, I would say he is extremely bright, although he is also a very strange boy, very special." Was how Mrs Tennytot would describe Bobby.
Though the truth was that all the teachers at Little Peanutington Elementary were a tiny bit afraid of young Bobby. Bobby intimidated them, they gave them the willies.
He would always sit upright and pay attention to whatever they said, adsorbing all their words. He was like a sponge, no a vacuum, sucking in everything into his little peanut head.
You see Bobby listened and that was the most unnerving thing about him. Bobby listened to everything.
Bobby liked to listen.
It was sixth period and the school day was nearing a close. The minute hand was slowly meandering towards the number twelve and all of Bobby's classmates were restless with the seemingly endless possibilities that stretch from the long hours of three until dinner...
I WILL CONTINUE THIS AT A LATER DATE!
BUT NOW! DONKEY KONG COUNTRY RETURNS BECKONS!
Pen poised and mind at the ready he slowly inches his way over to the lever of inspiration which he must pry free with the stick of hard work unleashing it from the cruel harsh grips of laziness.
And thus he writes:
Bobby was not your ordinary peanut, oh no. Bobby was what you would refer to as a special nut.
You see Bobby was different from all the other peanuts. While the other peanuts would play their special peanut games with each other Bobby would be excluded and shunned from the group.
It barely bothered Bobby, or at least that is what he told himself. It gave him more time to himself, it gave him more time to think.
Bobby liked to think.
"A bright lad, bright lad", Mr Hersworth, Bobby's algebra teacher would say of Bobby while puffing on his pipe, "A tad bit quiet though, and a little bit...special".
"Oh yes, I would say he is extremely bright, although he is also a very strange boy, very special." Was how Mrs Tennytot would describe Bobby.
Though the truth was that all the teachers at Little Peanutington Elementary were a tiny bit afraid of young Bobby. Bobby intimidated them, they gave them the willies.
He would always sit upright and pay attention to whatever they said, adsorbing all their words. He was like a sponge, no a vacuum, sucking in everything into his little peanut head.
You see Bobby listened and that was the most unnerving thing about him. Bobby listened to everything.
Bobby liked to listen.
It was sixth period and the school day was nearing a close. The minute hand was slowly meandering towards the number twelve and all of Bobby's classmates were restless with the seemingly endless possibilities that stretch from the long hours of three until dinner...
I WILL CONTINUE THIS AT A LATER DATE!
BUT NOW! DONKEY KONG COUNTRY RETURNS BECKONS!
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Why haven't I posted this before?
Remember back at the beginning of my blog when I was just posting random stuff from a bygone era?
No?
Well why not?
- Oh yeah, you don't really exist... good point...
Well anyway here is a little something I like to call:
SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH THROUGH EMAILING RANDOM PEOPLE!
Now if you would kindly step with me through the portal of forgotten memories:
On Friday the 2nd of January, 2009, I was in a pickle of what to do. My internet had finally been capped and I had a rare case of can’t-be-bothered-gamingitis so instead I participated in a drinking game. Except instead of alcohol I was drinking knowledge.
In an effort to expand the expanses of my mind I set up a little experiment. I wished to learn about people’s manners and how they would respond to a simple greeting of “Hi.” Theorising that since the introduction of the internet and the excitingly paced, instant knowledge we are privy to, this comparably slow and dull message would likely go unnoticed to the people stalking other people via Facebook and the like.
Originally I was going to mail everyone letters with a simple “Hi.” inside the envelope. However it quickly dawned on me that I did not have as many home addresses in comparison to email addresses as well as the small issue of cost. One stamp costing around 50c and having to send it to 50 people, I did not wish to spend $25 in the name of science. Hey, in my defence, I could do a lot with $25. Like give some people in Africa a goat, or buy a couple of tins of paint, or most likely, exchange it for 500 5c coins and play Jenga with them. The point being, I don’t have a job and thus no money. So instead, I settled for the inferior method of email to send my greeting.
Sending the message to a random sample of 49 people (That is, everyone on my contact list but deleted a couple because you can only send to a max of 50 people in one email) I waited with anticipation. Conversing with a W.O.W addict while doing so I quickly became aware he was a jerk.
Our conversation went something along these lines (I have changed the name to protect the identity of the individual):
Jeremy: You get my email?
Divad: Kinda pointless ain’t it?
Jeremy: So, why didn’t you reply?
Diviad: I just couldn’t be bothered and I don’t think anyone else can be.
Jeremy: So even though I greeted you, you blatantly ignored me and continued to play W.O.W
Divad: Pretty much, I’m Level 43 now!
Jeremy: You know you are a Jerk.
Diviad: Why?
Jeremy: Because you didn’t reply to my greeting! If someone went up to you and said “Hi” would you ignore them?
Divad: Probably
Jeremy: You see you’re a jerk
Divad: Then a jerk I am.
And later on, just to magnify the jerkiness of this individual.
Divad: Check it out! I got a new spell that basically stops things from running away allowing me to kill them easier.
Jeremy:….you really are a jerk.
So without high hopes for humanity I patiently waited while playing minesweeper (High score 4 seconds on easy by the way). A thought struck me:
Maybe this method of testing seemed unfair. Maybe we distance ourselves from society when we go on the internet and become different people hiding behind a screen. After all, it’s easy to be a jerk to someone you are not directly in front of. You see this all the time in the form of road rage. When driving cars we do not view other cars as people but merely objects. We do not personify the cars or rather we objectify the people driving them. As we do not know them, what they do for a living, if a close relation has just died etc, we merely assume that this person is a jerk. It is quite easy to blame something, in this case another car, that cannot respond and defend themselves than to blame someone or to look at yourself and realise that you are in the wrong. Maybe they cut you off because they are already late for an important business meeting or didn’t see you because there are 3 toddlers in the back chucking toys at the drivers head.
Oh and fun experiment! Next time you are on the roads and someone speeds past you or does something dangerous comment upon this. You will most likely assume the driver is male, it’s true. Inversely also do this when someone is going really slowly.
Yay for stereotypes!
I then realised I wasn’t thinking to anyone at all and questioned my reasoning as to start a massive rant on road rage that noone would hear… but I digress.
I waited patiently until Wednesday the 7th of the same month and year to give everyone a chance to view their inbox and either disregard the email or send a heartfelt reply back to me.
To be honest I did not expect any replies due to the relatively trivial subject matter of the email. It pleased me then when I received an email back not 6 hours after I had sent the original email.
At 6:55pm I opened the email and read:
“hi : )”
Disregarding the horrible punctuation I felt pleased that my trivial message was responded to with some amount of thought and care. The addition of the sideways smiley face was a simple yet effective touch restoring my faith in humanity. The individual who sent this (scoring 100 seconds worse on expert minesweeper than my sister) never received a reply to their reply. Yes, I, like many of you, just could not be arsed typing another email, mainly because a conversation starting with ‘hi’ and ‘hi’ cannot really continue anywhere except for the horrible cliché “you like stuff?” and secondly because I just don’t really like the individual that much.
Two hours later I received another email, this time from a confusing individual who “shares [his] asparagus” which could be taken in a negative and sexual connation but we won’t. Because we are mature.
At 8:13pm (and presumably now) his email read:
“ATTENTION JEREMY:
You are gay.
Wasted my time.
I might kill you tonight.
:)”
Originally perturbed by the blatant threat I grew concerned. Was my harmless email actually a massive timewaster? Will 49 people open up the email I sent them and classify it as merely a space filler, a time waster that wasted them of time they could have spent eating a Tiny Teddy or day dreaming absentmindedly about me (I know y’all do it). However on closer inspection this email made me feel hope. Unlike the previous email this subject used proper punctuation, spelling and grammar. He imitated my original email which, as I recall, is the highest form of flattery (however try telling that to Warner Brothers –“I swear, Hari Puter is not Harry Potter!!!”) and it is clear that a lot of thought went into this threat. He even goes as far to suggest he would willingly give up precious amounts of his time to do something for me because of the email I sent. So after some twisted thinking I started to regain my faith in society and this wonderful little man.
The next email I received was at 10:41pm of the same day. It read:
“bastard
btw i havent forgotten about rvb or our epic battle... its just...gotta go with the flow
but i did finish ninja gaiden 2 and have started again”
Cringing at the horrible punctuation I was confused about this email. Did this subject actually read the email I sent him? Did the subject actually bother to segue into this random rant? Are you thinking what I’m thinking B1? The answer to all these questions (and “What is an anagram of on?”) is no.
At least I don’t think so.
The last time I wasn’t paying attention to this subject I copped a face full of fist so I am going to verify this randomness.
Think of an animal, any animal (no, mayonnaise is not an animal). Now think of your favourite colour. Now think of a verb, that’s a doing word for all you playing at home. And lastly think of an object.
Now add onto the end of the email:
btw btw this (animal) (verb)ed my (colour) (object)
Would that seem out of place? If the answer is no then it is truly random. If yes then I never want to speak to you again.
Traitor.
The final email I received was at 11:08 the next morning. It simply read:
“HI!!”
This is very much in the same artery as the first email I received. It replies to the simple message with a simple message as well. Albeit a hyperactive and caps locked simple message, but a simple message nonetheless.
While this message is more energetic than the rest, resulting in the feeling that someone is megaphoning in my ear, I believe that this over excitable attitude is actually a detriment rather than a benefit. The addition of a relatively useless extra exclamation mark made me further question this subject’s sanity further making my doubts slowly but surely grow. This last email nibbled at my thoughts. Surely if this person responds to your greeting so strongly and enthusiastically one should respond in a similar fashion. Therefore I felt weird not responding. It was like if a person handing out leaflets about saving the trees were to suddenly receive a rival leaflet questioning the use of leaflets as an effective measure to tell the world about saving the trees (drink the irony of that). I felt flustered and somewhat lost for words. This offhand reply had caught me off guard.
But then I guess that is what is so great about it because this furthers my point that humans are ingenious. Yes, very stupid but ingenious nonetheless. By one upping my seemingly random email by procuring another, not quite as random but very loud email in response this subject demonstrates the ingenuity of the human mind. Their frightening power to adapt to new situations and survive through countless disasters truly earns them the title of the Cockroaches of the Universe.
So in conclusion. Out of the 49 emails I sent only 4 were returned. However 4 out of 49 ain’t that bad. Wait, yes it is, it’s only 8%. But those four were all resoundingly positive (save for the third one but shh). This might have something to do with the fact that the people most likely to respond in a harsh matter, condescending me for my actions are also most likely too lazy to respond or merely can’t be bothered (there is a difference).
So while the W.O.W addict (lvl 44 now) first planted the seeds of doubt in my mind concerning the manners of the human kind, the ravens of response plucked those away leaving a bare and barren landscape where cynicism and scorn do not grow leaving the animals of hate and malice to slowly die in the deep pit of realisation.
So in conclusion I would just like to say that playing W.O.W will mess up your judgement and your life.
So don’t play it.
Um…yeah
To answer your questions:
• Took me 2 days to write
• No, not two days straight, around 2-3 hours total
• Yes I do have a life, I just lost it
• Behind you
• 1906 words
• It isn’t David I swear
• No
• No
• Yes but I don’t have the guitar
• Nepal
• Well I did try to be an internet hairdresser but I just couldn’t find the com(b)
No?
Well why not?
- Oh yeah, you don't really exist... good point...
Well anyway here is a little something I like to call:
SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH THROUGH EMAILING RANDOM PEOPLE!
Now if you would kindly step with me through the portal of forgotten memories:
On Friday the 2nd of January, 2009, I was in a pickle of what to do. My internet had finally been capped and I had a rare case of can’t-be-bothered-gamingitis so instead I participated in a drinking game. Except instead of alcohol I was drinking knowledge.
In an effort to expand the expanses of my mind I set up a little experiment. I wished to learn about people’s manners and how they would respond to a simple greeting of “Hi.” Theorising that since the introduction of the internet and the excitingly paced, instant knowledge we are privy to, this comparably slow and dull message would likely go unnoticed to the people stalking other people via Facebook and the like.
Originally I was going to mail everyone letters with a simple “Hi.” inside the envelope. However it quickly dawned on me that I did not have as many home addresses in comparison to email addresses as well as the small issue of cost. One stamp costing around 50c and having to send it to 50 people, I did not wish to spend $25 in the name of science. Hey, in my defence, I could do a lot with $25. Like give some people in Africa a goat, or buy a couple of tins of paint, or most likely, exchange it for 500 5c coins and play Jenga with them. The point being, I don’t have a job and thus no money. So instead, I settled for the inferior method of email to send my greeting.
Sending the message to a random sample of 49 people (That is, everyone on my contact list but deleted a couple because you can only send to a max of 50 people in one email) I waited with anticipation. Conversing with a W.O.W addict while doing so I quickly became aware he was a jerk.
Our conversation went something along these lines (I have changed the name to protect the identity of the individual):
Jeremy: You get my email?
Divad: Kinda pointless ain’t it?
Jeremy: So, why didn’t you reply?
Diviad: I just couldn’t be bothered and I don’t think anyone else can be.
Jeremy: So even though I greeted you, you blatantly ignored me and continued to play W.O.W
Divad: Pretty much, I’m Level 43 now!
Jeremy: You know you are a Jerk.
Diviad: Why?
Jeremy: Because you didn’t reply to my greeting! If someone went up to you and said “Hi” would you ignore them?
Divad: Probably
Jeremy: You see you’re a jerk
Divad: Then a jerk I am.
And later on, just to magnify the jerkiness of this individual.
Divad: Check it out! I got a new spell that basically stops things from running away allowing me to kill them easier.
Jeremy:….you really are a jerk.
So without high hopes for humanity I patiently waited while playing minesweeper (High score 4 seconds on easy by the way). A thought struck me:
Maybe this method of testing seemed unfair. Maybe we distance ourselves from society when we go on the internet and become different people hiding behind a screen. After all, it’s easy to be a jerk to someone you are not directly in front of. You see this all the time in the form of road rage. When driving cars we do not view other cars as people but merely objects. We do not personify the cars or rather we objectify the people driving them. As we do not know them, what they do for a living, if a close relation has just died etc, we merely assume that this person is a jerk. It is quite easy to blame something, in this case another car, that cannot respond and defend themselves than to blame someone or to look at yourself and realise that you are in the wrong. Maybe they cut you off because they are already late for an important business meeting or didn’t see you because there are 3 toddlers in the back chucking toys at the drivers head.
Oh and fun experiment! Next time you are on the roads and someone speeds past you or does something dangerous comment upon this. You will most likely assume the driver is male, it’s true. Inversely also do this when someone is going really slowly.
Yay for stereotypes!
I then realised I wasn’t thinking to anyone at all and questioned my reasoning as to start a massive rant on road rage that noone would hear… but I digress.
I waited patiently until Wednesday the 7th of the same month and year to give everyone a chance to view their inbox and either disregard the email or send a heartfelt reply back to me.
To be honest I did not expect any replies due to the relatively trivial subject matter of the email. It pleased me then when I received an email back not 6 hours after I had sent the original email.
At 6:55pm I opened the email and read:
“hi : )”
Disregarding the horrible punctuation I felt pleased that my trivial message was responded to with some amount of thought and care. The addition of the sideways smiley face was a simple yet effective touch restoring my faith in humanity. The individual who sent this (scoring 100 seconds worse on expert minesweeper than my sister) never received a reply to their reply. Yes, I, like many of you, just could not be arsed typing another email, mainly because a conversation starting with ‘hi’ and ‘hi’ cannot really continue anywhere except for the horrible cliché “you like stuff?” and secondly because I just don’t really like the individual that much.
Two hours later I received another email, this time from a confusing individual who “shares [his] asparagus” which could be taken in a negative and sexual connation but we won’t. Because we are mature.
At 8:13pm (and presumably now) his email read:
“ATTENTION JEREMY:
You are gay.
Wasted my time.
I might kill you tonight.
:)”
Originally perturbed by the blatant threat I grew concerned. Was my harmless email actually a massive timewaster? Will 49 people open up the email I sent them and classify it as merely a space filler, a time waster that wasted them of time they could have spent eating a Tiny Teddy or day dreaming absentmindedly about me (I know y’all do it). However on closer inspection this email made me feel hope. Unlike the previous email this subject used proper punctuation, spelling and grammar. He imitated my original email which, as I recall, is the highest form of flattery (however try telling that to Warner Brothers –“I swear, Hari Puter is not Harry Potter!!!”) and it is clear that a lot of thought went into this threat. He even goes as far to suggest he would willingly give up precious amounts of his time to do something for me because of the email I sent. So after some twisted thinking I started to regain my faith in society and this wonderful little man.
The next email I received was at 10:41pm of the same day. It read:
“bastard
btw i havent forgotten about rvb or our epic battle... its just...gotta go with the flow
but i did finish ninja gaiden 2 and have started again”
Cringing at the horrible punctuation I was confused about this email. Did this subject actually read the email I sent him? Did the subject actually bother to segue into this random rant? Are you thinking what I’m thinking B1? The answer to all these questions (and “What is an anagram of on?”) is no.
At least I don’t think so.
The last time I wasn’t paying attention to this subject I copped a face full of fist so I am going to verify this randomness.
Think of an animal, any animal (no, mayonnaise is not an animal). Now think of your favourite colour. Now think of a verb, that’s a doing word for all you playing at home. And lastly think of an object.
Now add onto the end of the email:
btw btw this (animal) (verb)ed my (colour) (object)
Would that seem out of place? If the answer is no then it is truly random. If yes then I never want to speak to you again.
Traitor.
The final email I received was at 11:08 the next morning. It simply read:
“HI!!”
This is very much in the same artery as the first email I received. It replies to the simple message with a simple message as well. Albeit a hyperactive and caps locked simple message, but a simple message nonetheless.
While this message is more energetic than the rest, resulting in the feeling that someone is megaphoning in my ear, I believe that this over excitable attitude is actually a detriment rather than a benefit. The addition of a relatively useless extra exclamation mark made me further question this subject’s sanity further making my doubts slowly but surely grow. This last email nibbled at my thoughts. Surely if this person responds to your greeting so strongly and enthusiastically one should respond in a similar fashion. Therefore I felt weird not responding. It was like if a person handing out leaflets about saving the trees were to suddenly receive a rival leaflet questioning the use of leaflets as an effective measure to tell the world about saving the trees (drink the irony of that). I felt flustered and somewhat lost for words. This offhand reply had caught me off guard.
But then I guess that is what is so great about it because this furthers my point that humans are ingenious. Yes, very stupid but ingenious nonetheless. By one upping my seemingly random email by procuring another, not quite as random but very loud email in response this subject demonstrates the ingenuity of the human mind. Their frightening power to adapt to new situations and survive through countless disasters truly earns them the title of the Cockroaches of the Universe.
So in conclusion. Out of the 49 emails I sent only 4 were returned. However 4 out of 49 ain’t that bad. Wait, yes it is, it’s only 8%. But those four were all resoundingly positive (save for the third one but shh). This might have something to do with the fact that the people most likely to respond in a harsh matter, condescending me for my actions are also most likely too lazy to respond or merely can’t be bothered (there is a difference).
So while the W.O.W addict (lvl 44 now) first planted the seeds of doubt in my mind concerning the manners of the human kind, the ravens of response plucked those away leaving a bare and barren landscape where cynicism and scorn do not grow leaving the animals of hate and malice to slowly die in the deep pit of realisation.
So in conclusion I would just like to say that playing W.O.W will mess up your judgement and your life.
So don’t play it.
Um…yeah
To answer your questions:
• Took me 2 days to write
• No, not two days straight, around 2-3 hours total
• Yes I do have a life, I just lost it
• Behind you
• 1906 words
• It isn’t David I swear
• No
• No
• Yes but I don’t have the guitar
• Nepal
• Well I did try to be an internet hairdresser but I just couldn’t find the com(b)
I'm sure I had something to say...
Pausing midsentence to reflect the ever changing nature of the world, our author loses his train of thought.
The ever languishing road to recovery is covered with the spikes of hate and malice. Only after mastering the horse of love can we equip it with the shoes of self esteem and ride towards the gate of...
... I really should stop when I lose my train of thought...
The ever languishing road to recovery is covered with the spikes of hate and malice. Only after mastering the horse of love can we equip it with the shoes of self esteem and ride towards the gate of...
... I really should stop when I lose my train of thought...
Monday, August 2, 2010
The Best Friend Award
A friend once spoke to me and made a comment that most of my entries are " longwinded things" and that she would prefer "pretty quotes and pictures".
This my readers is a 100% fabricated lie.
This person is not my friend, nor was she ever my friend.
More of a colleague if you will and even then it is still stretching the truth, much like how I am stretching this sentence with this superfluously redundant tangent, and again with the redundant use of 'superfluously', as she and I have never worked together.
No we have never worked together so as I was out there toiling away for a better tomorrow she was not there fighting back the demons of poverty. Whilst I was combating the forces of intolerance she was not battling the spirits of hate. Whilst I was sitting a 3 hour paper on Quantum Mechanics she was not there slipping me the answers...
No my friends, I was there with my one and only friend, Harry.
Now unfortunately Harry could not be here tonight and accept this award for 'Jeremy's Best Friend', because he told me he had better things on.
Which is understandable. Why a 5 foot freckled face glasses wearing friend with a limp has plenty of other better offers out there than attending his own award ceremony.
...I wonder what he is doing.
Oh I'm sorry, I seem to have lost my train of thought.
Oh what's that? It's approaching the station of indignity? That's good, it's come around full circle then.
So to recap:
- Um.....
- I'm actually not quite sure...
This my readers is a 100% fabricated lie.
This person is not my friend, nor was she ever my friend.
More of a colleague if you will and even then it is still stretching the truth, much like how I am stretching this sentence with this superfluously redundant tangent, and again with the redundant use of 'superfluously', as she and I have never worked together.
No we have never worked together so as I was out there toiling away for a better tomorrow she was not there fighting back the demons of poverty. Whilst I was combating the forces of intolerance she was not battling the spirits of hate. Whilst I was sitting a 3 hour paper on Quantum Mechanics she was not there slipping me the answers...
No my friends, I was there with my one and only friend, Harry.
Now unfortunately Harry could not be here tonight and accept this award for 'Jeremy's Best Friend', because he told me he had better things on.
Which is understandable. Why a 5 foot freckled face glasses wearing friend with a limp has plenty of other better offers out there than attending his own award ceremony.
...I wonder what he is doing.
Oh I'm sorry, I seem to have lost my train of thought.
Oh what's that? It's approaching the station of indignity? That's good, it's come around full circle then.
So to recap:
- Um.....
- I'm actually not quite sure...
Monday, July 12, 2010
Greetings Humanoids
And other small parasites from the Daglish System.
Today I bring you a story of intrigue, a story of daring and dashing and... more letters per word than any other story EVER WRITTEN!
2 of the above statements are lies, technically they are balls of fluff and not parasites.
The story starts one day as our protaganist rides into town. The sun gleaming off his wide brimmed hat, and his shoes dusty from the trail. His spurs spin idley while a lone tumbleweed makes the slow journey to another place in this desolute outback.
His presence here caused quite a commotion, it was a one horse town after all and that horse was quite thin and prone to wheezing so as our protaganist rode onwards into the liver of the city a crowd gathered around him.
He was aware of thier whispers:
"Who is that?"
"What is that?"
"Move, I can't see!"
"Well it is hardly my fault is it?"
"SAUSAGES INA BUN! SAUSAGES INA BUN! GET 'EM WHILE THEY'RE STILL DEAD!"
"I mean I am really just a part of the overall problem here."
"Your sausage just winked at me."
"Even if I did move and get out of your way there will still be a plethora of people in front of you blocking your view."
"SHOWS 'EM FRESH DUNIT?"
"And then I wouldn't be able to see and we would arrive at the same problem."
He rode on regardless, turned around the corner, parked his bike outside the bar and went inside for some OJ.
Today I bring you a story of intrigue, a story of daring and dashing and... more letters per word than any other story EVER WRITTEN!
2 of the above statements are lies, technically they are balls of fluff and not parasites.
The story starts one day as our protaganist rides into town. The sun gleaming off his wide brimmed hat, and his shoes dusty from the trail. His spurs spin idley while a lone tumbleweed makes the slow journey to another place in this desolute outback.
His presence here caused quite a commotion, it was a one horse town after all and that horse was quite thin and prone to wheezing so as our protaganist rode onwards into the liver of the city a crowd gathered around him.
He was aware of thier whispers:
"Who is that?"
"What is that?"
"Move, I can't see!"
"Well it is hardly my fault is it?"
"SAUSAGES INA BUN! SAUSAGES INA BUN! GET 'EM WHILE THEY'RE STILL DEAD!"
"I mean I am really just a part of the overall problem here."
"Your sausage just winked at me."
"Even if I did move and get out of your way there will still be a plethora of people in front of you blocking your view."
"SHOWS 'EM FRESH DUNIT?"
"And then I wouldn't be able to see and we would arrive at the same problem."
He rode on regardless, turned around the corner, parked his bike outside the bar and went inside for some OJ.
Monday, May 24, 2010
*wipes tear from eye*
Some of you might be wondering why I haven't been updating as regularly as before.
If you are one of those people I will slap you in the face and yell "What? Don't you have anything better to do then to read mindless ramblings of a crazed old coot?"
Seriously... Love the dedication and all but...
It is a tad bit sad.
If you are one of those people I will slap you in the face and yell "What? Don't you have anything better to do then to read mindless ramblings of a crazed old coot?"
Seriously... Love the dedication and all but...
It is a tad bit sad.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
High Ho Silver!
Salutations brethren of the lower order for today is a glorious day. Indeed every day is glorious as it was not this way before.
Everytime you look around the world is different it has changed my friends.
But I ask you this; Where did it go?
Surely a place in time may not simply vanish into oblivion and another takes its place. Surely such a feat would be monsterous and a great occurence that it would not go unnoticed.
But it must happen. For if the future is going to happen the present has to be removed. There can be only enough time in the world for one time otherwise we would be bustling up against next Tuesday whilst trying to navigate around Wednesday's fallen cart.
Yes, the past is a foreign country. You do not want to wonder what it does or where it goes. And yet... we do.
Something may be said of the human mind, either its curiousity or sheer stubborness.
But alas as another sliver thin moment is lost to the ages and dissapears to an unknown place I too must leave. For is it not written "This report will not write itself!"?
Everytime you look around the world is different it has changed my friends.
But I ask you this; Where did it go?
Surely a place in time may not simply vanish into oblivion and another takes its place. Surely such a feat would be monsterous and a great occurence that it would not go unnoticed.
But it must happen. For if the future is going to happen the present has to be removed. There can be only enough time in the world for one time otherwise we would be bustling up against next Tuesday whilst trying to navigate around Wednesday's fallen cart.
Yes, the past is a foreign country. You do not want to wonder what it does or where it goes. And yet... we do.
Something may be said of the human mind, either its curiousity or sheer stubborness.
But alas as another sliver thin moment is lost to the ages and dissapears to an unknown place I too must leave. For is it not written "This report will not write itself!"?
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Silent Vlog
I am crazy.
A blog about a blog?
SOMEONE END MY MADNESS NOW!
...it's me by the way... in the video.
A blog about a blog?
SOMEONE END MY MADNESS NOW!
...it's me by the way... in the video.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
I really don't know...
Before I get down to the nitty gritty of me being awesome I would like to direct your attention to two different links:
http://vip.aersia.net/vip.swf
and
http://games.adultswim.com/robot-unicorn-attack-twitchy-online-game.html
The former because everyone love video game music (their lack of Banjo Kazooie though is a tiny bit disturbing) and the latter because it is awesome in flash game form.
NOW! To the nitty gritty!
More and more I have booted up this blog and thought to myself "I should write something here." but I never do because a) I don't know what to write about and b) I submerge into an apethetic state of questioning my existance and wondering what the point of it all is. I quickly remind myself that the point is actually on the end of a long pole and sharp. Very sharp.
So I guess this is me, forcing myself to write with a sharp pole behind me and no juicy carrot in front of me. I guess, continuing with this rather clumsy analogy, the ass would be less confused if it knew which path to go down. So I will sniff the air, close my eyes, and choose the path; Mindless tangent.
Because when faced with writing about something profound to do with AAA batteries or those handy dandy Note Pads, writing nonsensical nonsense is always more rewarding. Why I could write about how this ruler on my right could suddenly animate and lead its stationary brethren to overthrow the harsh dictatorship of Jeremy, forever escaping from the harsh imprisoment of the Zipped Pencil Case. Years from now I will return from exile seeking forgiveness for my past actions. The scissors would scoff at me and the pencils would rub their theoretical noses but the ruler of my stationary would come up to me and show me mercy. He would speak out to his fellow citizins and question if they were to be like me. If they would delve down the slippery slope and become the very thing they sought to destroy!
The ruler would then forgive me and emgrace me with a stiffening hug, then when i'm not looking he would grab a knife and drive it through my head cause that's what rulers do.
Is everyone satisfied now?
Good!
http://vip.aersia.net/vip.swf
and
http://games.adultswim.com/robot-unicorn-attack-twitchy-online-game.html
The former because everyone love video game music (their lack of Banjo Kazooie though is a tiny bit disturbing) and the latter because it is awesome in flash game form.
NOW! To the nitty gritty!
More and more I have booted up this blog and thought to myself "I should write something here." but I never do because a) I don't know what to write about and b) I submerge into an apethetic state of questioning my existance and wondering what the point of it all is. I quickly remind myself that the point is actually on the end of a long pole and sharp. Very sharp.
So I guess this is me, forcing myself to write with a sharp pole behind me and no juicy carrot in front of me. I guess, continuing with this rather clumsy analogy, the ass would be less confused if it knew which path to go down. So I will sniff the air, close my eyes, and choose the path; Mindless tangent.
Because when faced with writing about something profound to do with AAA batteries or those handy dandy Note Pads, writing nonsensical nonsense is always more rewarding. Why I could write about how this ruler on my right could suddenly animate and lead its stationary brethren to overthrow the harsh dictatorship of Jeremy, forever escaping from the harsh imprisoment of the Zipped Pencil Case. Years from now I will return from exile seeking forgiveness for my past actions. The scissors would scoff at me and the pencils would rub their theoretical noses but the ruler of my stationary would come up to me and show me mercy. He would speak out to his fellow citizins and question if they were to be like me. If they would delve down the slippery slope and become the very thing they sought to destroy!
The ruler would then forgive me and emgrace me with a stiffening hug, then when i'm not looking he would grab a knife and drive it through my head cause that's what rulers do.
Is everyone satisfied now?
Good!
Friday, March 19, 2010
A message for you.
People of the internet!
I have gathered you all today with one purpose in mind, to listen to me!
What I will say, I am not quite sure yet, but when I say it you will listen to me and as such, be dazzled by my profound speech.
Unless of course it is not profound in which case you will be slightly confused and angry about your time wasted.
"But what else would you have done with your time?" I would ask you if the latter case was true, "You would have wasted it mindlessly reading opinions of others and not forming opinions for yourself!"
Angered by this relevation you would pick up the torch and pitchforks and storm my castle.
"Oh no!", I would yell, "The pheasants are revolting!" And with that I would throw my dinner to the floor and never eat another waterfoul again.
A dull thud would enter my thoughts as I walk down one of my many corridors and then.... Chaos!
The din of the mob would descend upon my ears, the crackle of flames and the jeers of the uneducated.
I would escape to the Lair and run away, dissolving into the Italian community and taking the name Fredrico where I would turn to prostitution and selling drugs to get by.
So er...
Are you dazzled by my speech?
*pleasesayyespleasesayyespleasesayyes*
I have gathered you all today with one purpose in mind, to listen to me!
What I will say, I am not quite sure yet, but when I say it you will listen to me and as such, be dazzled by my profound speech.
Unless of course it is not profound in which case you will be slightly confused and angry about your time wasted.
"But what else would you have done with your time?" I would ask you if the latter case was true, "You would have wasted it mindlessly reading opinions of others and not forming opinions for yourself!"
Angered by this relevation you would pick up the torch and pitchforks and storm my castle.
"Oh no!", I would yell, "The pheasants are revolting!" And with that I would throw my dinner to the floor and never eat another waterfoul again.
A dull thud would enter my thoughts as I walk down one of my many corridors and then.... Chaos!
The din of the mob would descend upon my ears, the crackle of flames and the jeers of the uneducated.
I would escape to the Lair and run away, dissolving into the Italian community and taking the name Fredrico where I would turn to prostitution and selling drugs to get by.
So er...
Are you dazzled by my speech?
*pleasesayyespleasesayyespleasesayyes*
Thursday, February 18, 2010
*cracks knuckles*
Some of the more astute readers amongst you may have noticed that my entries have been sparse as of late.
I attribute this to recently aquiring a job and not to the fact I would rather play Team Fortress 2.
...I really should stop playing that game.
I mean, just for a week or two so I can play my other games, maybe finish all those games on the Wii (I'm looking at you Metriod and Pikmin) but I digress.
So this coming Saturday I am attending a fantasy style 21st wherein we, the attendents, have to dress up as fantastical creatures! Goblins and Fairies and Elves, Oh my!
Scouring the internet I finally decided to go as a Moogle because well... come on!
So all I need to do now is grow a dangling ball off my forehead, get some demon wings, maybe undergo some drastic plastic surgery and we are on our way!
Or I could take the easy route and go as a shapeshifter who shapeshifted into me...
I was always the fan of the easy route.
I attribute this to recently aquiring a job and not to the fact I would rather play Team Fortress 2.
...I really should stop playing that game.
I mean, just for a week or two so I can play my other games, maybe finish all those games on the Wii (I'm looking at you Metriod and Pikmin) but I digress.
So this coming Saturday I am attending a fantasy style 21st wherein we, the attendents, have to dress up as fantastical creatures! Goblins and Fairies and Elves, Oh my!
Scouring the internet I finally decided to go as a Moogle because well... come on!
So all I need to do now is grow a dangling ball off my forehead, get some demon wings, maybe undergo some drastic plastic surgery and we are on our way!
Or I could take the easy route and go as a shapeshifter who shapeshifted into me...
I was always the fan of the easy route.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Counting
Warning: This post contains 126% of your RDI of sappiness. Incredibly Sappy. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if you drowned in all the sap that will be present in this post.
Trees. We all know them. They're tall, have leaves and some even are home to birds but what you might not know about them is that they are growing menace to the working class man.
Each year the amount of trees in the world changes number. This has a knock one effect to the people whose job it is to count them. With an ever changing amount of trees in the world their job is never done.
Additionally all the relevant datasheets have to be updated which again, costs time and money.
The hardest part for a tree counters job would have to be the tree smugglers. Grant Johnson (38) is annoyed at the growing number of residents who have taken to harbouring trees.
"Well it is incredibly annoying," says Grant, "All we are doing is cataloguing the number of trees and people all around the world are hiding them in their backyards. This throws of all our data... we may as well not collect it."
But Charlie Dreaford (34) who openly admits to having trees in his backyard has this to say about the subject:
"What? Who are you people?"
Riveting stuff indeed.
This has been another report from Jeremy Hughes.
Trees. We all know them. They're tall, have leaves and some even are home to birds but what you might not know about them is that they are growing menace to the working class man.
Each year the amount of trees in the world changes number. This has a knock one effect to the people whose job it is to count them. With an ever changing amount of trees in the world their job is never done.
Additionally all the relevant datasheets have to be updated which again, costs time and money.
The hardest part for a tree counters job would have to be the tree smugglers. Grant Johnson (38) is annoyed at the growing number of residents who have taken to harbouring trees.
"Well it is incredibly annoying," says Grant, "All we are doing is cataloguing the number of trees and people all around the world are hiding them in their backyards. This throws of all our data... we may as well not collect it."
But Charlie Dreaford (34) who openly admits to having trees in his backyard has this to say about the subject:
"What? Who are you people?"
Riveting stuff indeed.
This has been another report from Jeremy Hughes.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Video Updates
Sup peeps and peepettes.
Over the past week my friend and I have been maknig installments to the 101 uses for Boxes saga.
I will now post some for your viewing pleasure.
And my other friend and I made a horrible rendition of The World Is Awesome from the Discovery Channel ad.
Until next time my loyal viewer base.
Over the past week my friend and I have been maknig installments to the 101 uses for Boxes saga.
I will now post some for your viewing pleasure.
And my other friend and I made a horrible rendition of The World Is Awesome from the Discovery Channel ad.
Until next time my loyal viewer base.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
2009
Well it has been a rollercoaster of a year.
We've had our laughs, and had our tears.
It started with me drinking punch and was followed by unforgettable murders, rape, a couple of house break ins and who could forget the adorable kitten that got squashed by a filing cabinet.
I’d like to point out that not all of the above was committed by me, most of the people.... actually all of the people that committed those crimes are now safely behind bars except for the kitten squasher. He just got a hefty fine and needs to see a psychologist.
What a year...
We've had our laughs, and had our tears.
It started with me drinking punch and was followed by unforgettable murders, rape, a couple of house break ins and who could forget the adorable kitten that got squashed by a filing cabinet.
I’d like to point out that not all of the above was committed by me, most of the people.... actually all of the people that committed those crimes are now safely behind bars except for the kitten squasher. He just got a hefty fine and needs to see a psychologist.
What a year...
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Interesting Convo
benjamin B1 says:
wowww
it's been a year since we got out TEE results
feels both SO much longer ago, and yet only a few months ago
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
*sniff*
they grow up so fast don't they?
benjamin B1 says:
i know *wipes away tears*
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
oh well
let's have another
benjamin B1 says:
no
i... i can't live through all the pain it put us both through
i don't think our relationship could stand another one
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
I DONT CARE
I WANT ANOTHER ONE
YOU NEVER LISTEN TO WHAT I SAY ANYMORE
you never touch me like you used to
benjamin B1 says:
how could you be so selfish?! would you really rather raising a child in seperate homes?!
I couldn't do that, it would break my heart
think of the kids we have now. poor little sue-anne and billy-bob
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
i dont care about them
dilenquits
plus i want that baby bonus
benjamin B1 says:
delinquents?
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
only way to get my booze
shh
benjamin B1 says:
See?! You haven't even gotten over your own issues from the last lot
how could you even consider bringing another one into this world?
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
i need the fix
I NEED IT NOW
benjamin B1 says:
Plus, it's like throwing a hotdog down the hallway now as it is, could you imagine what pushing out another kid would do to you?
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
thats it
im off to the sperm bank
i dont need you
benjamin B1 says:
If you do..
I'm taking the kids
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
good
i get the booze though
damn kids stealing my alcomohol
benjamin B1 says:
HOW?! they're only 5 and 9, they can't even stand the smell, let alone the taste of that stuff
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
well i have a full bottle before i go to sleep
and when i make up its mysteriously gone
explain that
benjamin B1 says:
you make up?
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
a full bottle cant just dissapear
wake
benjamin B1 says:
No, you drink it in you sleep
You're drunk now, aren't you?
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
i smight be
its the only way i can live in this filth
benjamin B1 says:
What happened to your plans to go to rehab?!
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
i blame you, you and your horrible little job
cant support us
i have no money for rehab!
benjamin B1 says:
I WORK 2 JOBS TO SUPPORT YOU AND THE KIDS! I EARN MORE BY MYSELF IN A WEEK THEN MOST FAMILIES EARN ALTOGETHER IN A MONTH! MAYBE IF YOU STOPPED WASTING ALL OUR MONEY ON ALCOHOL WE'D BE ABLE TO AFFORD MORE THINGS!
That's it, I've tried being civil with you, but I'm past dealing with your crap
I think it's time you went and stayed at your mothers
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
DAMN IT HENRY!
shes a mormon
NO booze there
mormen?
benjamin B1 says:
EXACTLY!
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
mormon
benjamin B1 says:
Cheapest rehab you'll ever get
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
MORE LIKE MORON
benjamin B1 says:
Yeah, looks like you take after your mother then
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
DAMN IT HENRY
Bobby didnt treat me like this
we had something
BUT YOU@
only thinking for yourself
benjamin B1 says:
BOBBY WAS A CRACK ADDICT!
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
and what we're going to eat for dinner
AT LEAST BOBBY LOVED ME
benjamin B1 says:
NO, BOBBY LOVED YOUR MONEY
And the fact you had a clean record and a credit card he could max out
now you don't even have that
you wouldnt' survive on your own
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
i have my dignity!
benjamin B1 says:
No you don't!
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
*burp*
benjamin B1 says:
Your credit rating is lower than Paris Hilton's morals
You don't even know how to call a cab
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
HEY!
HEY!
i dont need to know how to call the cabn
everything i need is in this shack
Timmy!
TIMMY!
benjamin B1 says:
IT'S NOT A SHACK!
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
GET MUMMAS BOOZE
benjamin B1 says:
THAT IS OUR NEIGHBOURS SHED!
Who is Timmy?
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
er... the blonde one?
benjamin B1 says:
Have you stolen the neighbours kid again?!
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
or the one with the limp?
i forget
benjamin B1 says:
God DAMMIT woman, what is your problem?!
How did you get to this point?!
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
I woke up one morning
rolled over
and found out i was sharing the bed with you
YOU!
you make me sick
benjamin B1 says:
No, you can't say that, you were worse than this when I met you.
I brought you back some form of morals. We sorted you out, got you clean, and we had an amazing life
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
thats the past henry
THE PAST
gotta move with the times
benjamin B1 says:
Something happened. I don't know what, but something happened to change you
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
gotta get my next fix
maybe
maybe
maybe it was when you started playing that game of yours
THAT STUPID GAME
benjamin B1 says:
The only fix you need is tightening that screw loose in your head!
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
making me loose all the time
benjamin B1 says:
... damn
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
MAKING ME SELF CONCIOUS
plummeting my self esteem through the floor
i started drinking again to forget
TO FORGET ABOUT THE GAME!
benjamin B1 says:
No Jill, don't say that. That's not true
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
:'(
I just
i just
i just dont know what to do anymore
benjamin B1 says:
I know what you can do... You can get your ass into rehab, kick that stupid habit of yours, and maybe then we can move on with our lives
Or, maybe, if you can't do that... You can pack up and move out of our house
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
:'(
:'(
BAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
*LOUD CRYING*
benjamin B1 says:
See? This is what you do
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
*Blows nose loudly*
benjamin B1 says:
You can't handle the consequences
You need to learn to deal with your actions
Because when the reality hits, it hits hard. And you need to be stronger to deal with them
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
*sniff*
no
no
you're right
you're right
i gotta get straight
i gotta get back on path
i gotta forget about this game and stop drin-
benjamin B1 says:
Yes, you do
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
DAMN IT
benjamin B1 says:
damn
That is really, really inconvenient
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
*reaches for bottle*
benjamin B1 says:
NO!
JILL, DON'T!
Come on! You've come this far!
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
BUT HOW ELSE AM I MEANT TO FORGET!
benjamin B1 says:
WITH SHEER INNER STRENTH AND WILL POWER!
Billions of people around the world can forget about it, so I'm sure we can
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
im not sure i can do this alone
benjamin B1 says:
You don't have to...
You don't have to.
That's what I'm here for
and the kids... although I think it's best if they stay with my parents while we work things out
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
you're right
i dont want them to see me like this
benjamin B1 says:
I think they've seen enough, that's for sure
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
Aw.... come here Henry
benjamin B1 says:
*cautiously walks towards you*
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
*hugs*
benjamin B1 says:
See, we can work through this
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
i know we can
i know we can
*slow zoom out pans to top left*
*curtains close*
End of Act 1
benjamin B1 says:
*applause*
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
*sniff*
So beautiful
thats my Jillian there!
benjamin B1 says:
I really felt that
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
They grow up so fast
benjamin B1 says:
My, don't they?!
I mean, I really felt the story in that. The characters are really coming into their own
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
.....seriously?
are we being ben and jeremy again?
like out of character?
benjamin B1 says:
Who is ben and jeremy?
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
cause I just thought they were cliche stereotypes
...im going to save that
benjamin B1 says:
save what?
what are you talking about?
... please don't tell me you're going back to the bottle
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
wait
are we jill and henry again?
or people in the crowd watching?
benjamin B1 says:
what are you talking about?
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
i have no idea
benjamin B1 says:
My name is Ross!
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
and my name is...
benjamin B1 says:
?! ARE YOU HIGH?!
Margaret, come on, I think we should leave
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
but the elephants
i want to see them dance
and why do i have to play the girl all the time?
benjamin B1 says:
Hahaha, because you are such a loser
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
...yeah
benjamin B1 says:
ahh well
you'll deal with it one of these days
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
but
i can always put it off
right?
benjamin B1 says:
No! You have to deal with these things head on!
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
twss
benjamin B1 says:
Touche
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
ew
benjamin B1 says:
... i'm going to see this conversation posted somewhere soon, aren't i?
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
yes
very soon in fact
im getting too predictable aren't i?
benjamin B1 says:
....
bollocks
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
its a pain putting spaces in the convo
benjamin B1 says:
that's what you got for being a loser
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
...*sigh*
im not putting that bit in now
benjamin B1 says:
which bit??
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
about me being the loser
benjamin B1 says:
ohh... i guess people will figure that bit out anyway
... how much of it ARE you putting in?
... he he
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
i think i'll leave it at that
wowww
it's been a year since we got out TEE results
feels both SO much longer ago, and yet only a few months ago
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
*sniff*
they grow up so fast don't they?
benjamin B1 says:
i know *wipes away tears*
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
oh well
let's have another
benjamin B1 says:
no
i... i can't live through all the pain it put us both through
i don't think our relationship could stand another one
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
I DONT CARE
I WANT ANOTHER ONE
YOU NEVER LISTEN TO WHAT I SAY ANYMORE
you never touch me like you used to
benjamin B1 says:
how could you be so selfish?! would you really rather raising a child in seperate homes?!
I couldn't do that, it would break my heart
think of the kids we have now. poor little sue-anne and billy-bob
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
i dont care about them
dilenquits
plus i want that baby bonus
benjamin B1 says:
delinquents?
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
only way to get my booze
shh
benjamin B1 says:
See?! You haven't even gotten over your own issues from the last lot
how could you even consider bringing another one into this world?
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
i need the fix
I NEED IT NOW
benjamin B1 says:
Plus, it's like throwing a hotdog down the hallway now as it is, could you imagine what pushing out another kid would do to you?
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
thats it
im off to the sperm bank
i dont need you
benjamin B1 says:
If you do..
I'm taking the kids
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
good
i get the booze though
damn kids stealing my alcomohol
benjamin B1 says:
HOW?! they're only 5 and 9, they can't even stand the smell, let alone the taste of that stuff
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
well i have a full bottle before i go to sleep
and when i make up its mysteriously gone
explain that
benjamin B1 says:
you make up?
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
a full bottle cant just dissapear
wake
benjamin B1 says:
No, you drink it in you sleep
You're drunk now, aren't you?
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
i smight be
its the only way i can live in this filth
benjamin B1 says:
What happened to your plans to go to rehab?!
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
i blame you, you and your horrible little job
cant support us
i have no money for rehab!
benjamin B1 says:
I WORK 2 JOBS TO SUPPORT YOU AND THE KIDS! I EARN MORE BY MYSELF IN A WEEK THEN MOST FAMILIES EARN ALTOGETHER IN A MONTH! MAYBE IF YOU STOPPED WASTING ALL OUR MONEY ON ALCOHOL WE'D BE ABLE TO AFFORD MORE THINGS!
That's it, I've tried being civil with you, but I'm past dealing with your crap
I think it's time you went and stayed at your mothers
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
DAMN IT HENRY!
shes a mormon
NO booze there
mormen?
benjamin B1 says:
EXACTLY!
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
mormon
benjamin B1 says:
Cheapest rehab you'll ever get
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
MORE LIKE MORON
benjamin B1 says:
Yeah, looks like you take after your mother then
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
DAMN IT HENRY
Bobby didnt treat me like this
we had something
BUT YOU@
only thinking for yourself
benjamin B1 says:
BOBBY WAS A CRACK ADDICT!
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
and what we're going to eat for dinner
AT LEAST BOBBY LOVED ME
benjamin B1 says:
NO, BOBBY LOVED YOUR MONEY
And the fact you had a clean record and a credit card he could max out
now you don't even have that
you wouldnt' survive on your own
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
i have my dignity!
benjamin B1 says:
No you don't!
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
*burp*
benjamin B1 says:
Your credit rating is lower than Paris Hilton's morals
You don't even know how to call a cab
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
HEY!
HEY!
i dont need to know how to call the cabn
everything i need is in this shack
Timmy!
TIMMY!
benjamin B1 says:
IT'S NOT A SHACK!
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
GET MUMMAS BOOZE
benjamin B1 says:
THAT IS OUR NEIGHBOURS SHED!
Who is Timmy?
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
er... the blonde one?
benjamin B1 says:
Have you stolen the neighbours kid again?!
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
or the one with the limp?
i forget
benjamin B1 says:
God DAMMIT woman, what is your problem?!
How did you get to this point?!
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
I woke up one morning
rolled over
and found out i was sharing the bed with you
YOU!
you make me sick
benjamin B1 says:
No, you can't say that, you were worse than this when I met you.
I brought you back some form of morals. We sorted you out, got you clean, and we had an amazing life
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
thats the past henry
THE PAST
gotta move with the times
benjamin B1 says:
Something happened. I don't know what, but something happened to change you
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
gotta get my next fix
maybe
maybe
maybe it was when you started playing that game of yours
THAT STUPID GAME
benjamin B1 says:
The only fix you need is tightening that screw loose in your head!
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
making me loose all the time
benjamin B1 says:
... damn
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
MAKING ME SELF CONCIOUS
plummeting my self esteem through the floor
i started drinking again to forget
TO FORGET ABOUT THE GAME!
benjamin B1 says:
No Jill, don't say that. That's not true
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
:'(
I just
i just
i just dont know what to do anymore
benjamin B1 says:
I know what you can do... You can get your ass into rehab, kick that stupid habit of yours, and maybe then we can move on with our lives
Or, maybe, if you can't do that... You can pack up and move out of our house
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
:'(
:'(
BAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
*LOUD CRYING*
benjamin B1 says:
See? This is what you do
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
*Blows nose loudly*
benjamin B1 says:
You can't handle the consequences
You need to learn to deal with your actions
Because when the reality hits, it hits hard. And you need to be stronger to deal with them
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
*sniff*
no
no
you're right
you're right
i gotta get straight
i gotta get back on path
i gotta forget about this game and stop drin-
benjamin B1 says:
Yes, you do
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
DAMN IT
benjamin B1 says:
damn
That is really, really inconvenient
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
*reaches for bottle*
benjamin B1 says:
NO!
JILL, DON'T!
Come on! You've come this far!
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
BUT HOW ELSE AM I MEANT TO FORGET!
benjamin B1 says:
WITH SHEER INNER STRENTH AND WILL POWER!
Billions of people around the world can forget about it, so I'm sure we can
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
im not sure i can do this alone
benjamin B1 says:
You don't have to...
You don't have to.
That's what I'm here for
and the kids... although I think it's best if they stay with my parents while we work things out
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
you're right
i dont want them to see me like this
benjamin B1 says:
I think they've seen enough, that's for sure
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
Aw.... come here Henry
benjamin B1 says:
*cautiously walks towards you*
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
*hugs*
benjamin B1 says:
See, we can work through this
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
i know we can
i know we can
*slow zoom out pans to top left*
*curtains close*
End of Act 1
benjamin B1 says:
*applause*
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
*sniff*
So beautiful
thats my Jillian there!
benjamin B1 says:
I really felt that
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
They grow up so fast
benjamin B1 says:
My, don't they?!
I mean, I really felt the story in that. The characters are really coming into their own
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
.....seriously?
are we being ben and jeremy again?
like out of character?
benjamin B1 says:
Who is ben and jeremy?
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
cause I just thought they were cliche stereotypes
...im going to save that
benjamin B1 says:
save what?
what are you talking about?
... please don't tell me you're going back to the bottle
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
wait
are we jill and henry again?
or people in the crowd watching?
benjamin B1 says:
what are you talking about?
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
i have no idea
benjamin B1 says:
My name is Ross!
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
and my name is...
benjamin B1 says:
?! ARE YOU HIGH?!
Margaret, come on, I think we should leave
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
but the elephants
i want to see them dance
and why do i have to play the girl all the time?
benjamin B1 says:
Hahaha, because you are such a loser
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
...yeah
benjamin B1 says:
ahh well
you'll deal with it one of these days
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
but
i can always put it off
right?
benjamin B1 says:
No! You have to deal with these things head on!
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
twss
benjamin B1 says:
Touche
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
ew
benjamin B1 says:
... i'm going to see this conversation posted somewhere soon, aren't i?
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
yes
very soon in fact
im getting too predictable aren't i?
benjamin B1 says:
....
bollocks
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
its a pain putting spaces in the convo
benjamin B1 says:
that's what you got for being a loser
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
...*sigh*
im not putting that bit in now
benjamin B1 says:
which bit??
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
about me being the loser
benjamin B1 says:
ohh... i guess people will figure that bit out anyway
... how much of it ARE you putting in?
... he he
Now With Extra Jeremy says:
i think i'll leave it at that
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Well that was a weird walk...
In short because I cannot be bothered writing in full.
Took the dog for a walk
Lost the dog
Spent the next hour looking for her and circled the park twice ( it is a massive park )
Found her at the Primary school being catered to by 5 or so girls with a ball and water
Spent the next hour having my dog stolen by people in Grade 1 and watched her walk around the school with an entourage of people following her. Amazingly no teachers put a stop to this while we disrupted many a people.
Took the dog for a walk
Lost the dog
Spent the next hour looking for her and circled the park twice ( it is a massive park )
Found her at the Primary school being catered to by 5 or so girls with a ball and water
Spent the next hour having my dog stolen by people in Grade 1 and watched her walk around the school with an entourage of people following her. Amazingly no teachers put a stop to this while we disrupted many a people.
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