The Best Friend Award

A friend once spoke to me and made a comment that most of my entries are " longwinded things" and that she would prefer "pretty quotes and pictures".
This my readers is a 100% fabricated lie.
This person is not my friend, nor was she ever my friend.
More of a colleague if you will and even then it is still stretching the truth, much like how I am stretching this sentence with this superfluously redundant tangent, and again with the redundant use of 'superfluously', as she and I have never worked together.
No we have never worked together so as I was out there toiling away for a better tomorrow she was not there fighting back the demons of poverty. Whilst I was combating the forces of intolerance she was not battling the spirits of hate. Whilst I was sitting a 3 hour paper on Quantum Mechanics she was not there slipping me the answers...
No my friends, I was there with my one and only friend, Harry.
Now unfortunately Harry could not be here tonight and accept this award for 'Jeremy's Best Friend', because he told me he had better things on.
Which is understandable. Why a 5 foot freckled face glasses wearing friend with a limp has plenty of other better offers out there than attending his own award ceremony.


...I wonder what he is doing.

Oh I'm sorry, I seem to have lost my train of thought.
Oh what's that? It's approaching the station of indignity? That's good, it's come around full circle then.


So to recap:
- Um.....
- I'm actually not quite sure...

Greetings Humanoids

And other small parasites from the Daglish System.
Today I bring you a story of intrigue, a story of daring and dashing and... more letters per word than any other story EVER WRITTEN!
2 of the above statements are lies, technically they are balls of fluff and not parasites.

The story starts one day as our protaganist rides into town. The sun gleaming off his wide brimmed hat, and his shoes dusty from the trail. His spurs spin idley while a lone tumbleweed makes the slow journey to another place in this desolute outback.
His presence here caused quite a commotion, it was a one horse town after all and that horse was quite thin and prone to wheezing so as our protaganist rode onwards into the liver of the city a crowd gathered around him.
He was aware of thier whispers:
"Who is that?"
"What is that?"
"Move, I can't see!"
"Well it is hardly my fault is it?"
"SAUSAGES INA BUN! SAUSAGES INA BUN! GET 'EM WHILE THEY'RE STILL DEAD!"
"I mean I am really just a part of the overall problem here."
"Your sausage just winked at me."
"Even if I did move and get out of your way there will still be a plethora of people in front of you blocking your view."
"SHOWS 'EM FRESH DUNIT?"
"And then I wouldn't be able to see and we would arrive at the same problem."

He rode on regardless, turned around the corner, parked his bike outside the bar and went inside for some OJ.

*wipes tear from eye*

Some of you might be wondering why I haven't been updating as regularly as before.
If you are one of those people I will slap you in the face and yell "What? Don't you have anything better to do then to read mindless ramblings of a crazed old coot?"

Seriously... Love the dedication and all but...
It is a tad bit sad.

High Ho Silver!

Salutations brethren of the lower order for today is a glorious day. Indeed every day is glorious as it was not this way before.
Everytime you look around the world is different it has changed my friends.
But I ask you this; Where did it go?
Surely a place in time may not simply vanish into oblivion and another takes its place. Surely such a feat would be monsterous and a great occurence that it would not go unnoticed.
But it must happen. For if the future is going to happen the present has to be removed. There can be only enough time in the world for one time otherwise we would be bustling up against next Tuesday whilst trying to navigate around Wednesday's fallen cart.
Yes, the past is a foreign country. You do not want to wonder what it does or where it goes. And yet... we do.
Something may be said of the human mind, either its curiousity or sheer stubborness.


But alas as another sliver thin moment is lost to the ages and dissapears to an unknown place I too must leave. For is it not written "This report will not write itself!"?

A small break from cramming.

CUE TUMBLEWEED!
I just updated this on a whim, you can put away your pitchforks now...
*looks at crowd*
...all one of you.
Hi Mum!

Silent Vlog

I am crazy.
A blog about a blog?
SOMEONE END MY MADNESS NOW!



...it's me by the way... in the video.

What Irks me Greatly

'What irks me greatly' I will now tell,
In poem format, what the hell.
1) Television Today, what can I say?
Violence and sex run on the screen and have somehow become acceptable as mainstream.
And children's shows too, for that matter, canned laughter does not make it better.
Those annoying voice overs during the promos, making the audience gasp and say "ONOES!"
But in actual fact they fabricated a whole story from two or three clips that leads the audience to believe something is going to happen when in actual fact the show itself has a completely different plot.
Ok so that bit didn't rhyme, I'll try harder next time.
Advertising in general: It's annoying when y'all actually listen to what they say and focus away from the outstanding gay.
They do not lie but bend the truth, use words that make their message mean nothing like; may, help, if.
It helps fight the seven signs of aging,... If eaten with a balanced diet and regular exercise. You might save some money.
Ads are just so dishonest, insert word here that rhymes with honest.
It's got knobs on it, it really does. Oh and ads that point out problems and imply they solved the solution but really haven't.
"Katie likes buying shoes but she doesn't know a thing about cars. Like this:___"
What about the car? It's just annoying.
'It is better than SOME leading brands.'
So really there are products out there that are better than it? For an ad who is pushing the message of SCIENCE that doesn't work very well.
OH! And all those ads who say "Now with wonderfluriom, made from nature so it must be good for you."
BECAUSE IT IS FROM NATURE DOES NOT MEAN IT IS GOOD FOR YOU!
That is all...
Peace